Invasion of the Game Stop PUA

I know most guys despise the patented female ewwww reaction. We aren’t generally very welcoming of the reactive tone women assume when they paint every guy who bothers them with the “creep” denotation. But sometimes…it is warranted.

It’s blasphemous to even mildly justify a woman’s hysterical behavior, but there are occasions.

Like today, I was hanging out in a local Game Stop. This is what happening guys like me do. We hang out in Game Stop. Actually, I was there so my son could sell back a game he bought recently and discovered, after it was too late, that he didn’t enjoy nearly as much as he thought he would. So Sunday afternoon, we headed off to the Game Stop. The cashiers were two 20-ish girls, one with terrible acne that seemed to coat her face, but very friendly, and the other wore glasses and was plain-faced. They were not the hottest girls. OK? Let’s establish this for the tale I am about to attempt to weave. The girls worked in Game Stop, which has its fair share of retiring social miscreants shuffle through daily.

When our turn was next, my son handed the game to the cashier and I needed to furnish my identification and sign the return slip since I was the “adult.”

About this time, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted two guys saunter importantly into the store and start barking out the names of the two cashiers. I tried not to look at the guys because first of all, you don’t walk into a Game Stop on a Sunday afternoon and act like a pimp because you now the names of the 2 cashiers on duty and who are, incidentally, on the downhill side of homely. I was slightly embarrassed for the guys, but I ignored them because I had business to transact. We needed some cash back, which in this case, turned out to be a fraction of what we paid for the game. Whatever. I wanted to get the hell outta there.

Still, the two playahs kept insisting on taking the Sunday afternoon Game Stop by storm. Bad boys. They kept repeating the names of the ugly cashiers loudly and boastfully. No one in the store gave a crap, but they persisted. Slowly they made their way deeper into the store. The girls were trying their hardest to work but the guys kept trying to rob their attention. One of them stopped and began talking to the other cashier or cheking out a game. The other guy continued all the way to our portion of the counter and basically just leaned over the counter while spouting his idiocy at our cashier as she was taking my son’s phone number. Now I was getting irritated. Distracted, she needed to ask my son for his number again.

The guy continued to stand there obtrusively, oblivious to social cues, leaning over the counter while still talking loudly with the girl. His pose screamed wannabe Alpha and he seemed to reckon himself a player. He was nothing but an aggressive dork, I saw. The more he opened his mouth, the more he betrayed his lack of PUA seasoning. It became glaringly obvious…he was socially inept. His diarrhea of the mouth was unrestrained. “Did you miss me, XXXX?” he asked our cashier and she grunted a faint acknowledgement. I wouldn’t even call it agreement. “My tummy hurts,” he complained ruefully in a tone that was neither authoritative or adept. For a moment I thought he sounded like a bored little boy looking to kill time. Oh my God. These guys…

Look, if you’re going to storm a place with your cocky bravado and inappropriate Alpha demeanor, 1) you better make sure that you do it somewhere a little more hip than a Game Stop, and 2) that the chicks in your cross-hairs are hot matches to your inanities. In other words, your actions and words must prove gutsy and shameless, not self-conscious and compensating. Calling out a couple of Plain Janes at Game Stop will only serve to expose your ludicrous frame. I was rather impressed with our cashier because after a minute of unrelenting pick up artistry from hovering Game Stop PUA, she finally told him, very sternly, that she could not talk with him because she needed to concentrate on helping the customers. You go girl! I wanted to high five her. That shut him up and we completed our transaction and left.

In retrospect, what struck me about the Game Stop PUA was the degree to which social ineptitude is present in both the cosmetic dysfunction of the professional player and the real social dysfunction present in the bona fide socially inept person. All that separates both is the environmental context, but it’s the same crap. If I was being serviced by a very hot cashier at a hip clothing store and the PUA intruder was a persistent and cunning player who truly captured the girl’s attention while managing to avoid drawing her public castigation, the effect would have been different, but the dynamic, the same.