All day long I snub my nose at my pummeled, discarded ancestral lineage.
Everyday I sit for 8 or 9 hours in front of a starlit computer and pretend I’m suffering for my prosperity. Loser! Then I come home and I pretend to be engaged in this life. Loser!
I am what I am. I don’t apologize but I find it amusing and awareness is the fiercest battle. To be ignorant is to be a robot. I don’t want to be a robot or ignorant, so I examine my silly life continuously. And it is silly. Very silly. Sickeningly silly.
Exceedingly silly, because I spend the day in a state of absolute foreboding. Will my record be locked??
See. I work on an older networked Windows-based system that only allows one user at a time per database. Which means that occasionally when I need to do something very time-critical for a shrill client, I might collide with a screen swat-down such as this:
Meaning that someone is occupying my damned record. They are using the database I need. I need it. My customer needs it. Everyone needs it. Let’s not all become too self-important here. This is a big fucking global team we are, right? No one is more important than anyone else. Har har. So when I encounter this stand down order, I want to kill, or strangle. How dare they occupy my record. I want editable. I want the ability to be change and coerce and mold things. I am a modern man, damnit. We have come so far. Technology has conquered our world! View only, my ass. Gimme 64-bit. Gimme 64 bit, we’ll change the world, or at least more than one record at a time.
And here I sit judging. How can I?
I am a “view only” kind of guy.
I thought of that while I relinquished the screen to another scumsucking corporate pawn today.
I’m view only.
That describes the hell out of me.
Some of us are view only people. We are continually occupied and if you attempt to alter our nature, you’ll face the big error screen of dissuasion.
Go home. Give up. Don’t try to change this database, this being. He is not open to change or submission. While the rest of the network advances and updates, this recalcitrant database remains steadfast in his determination to not change or swerve to your finger’s command. I’m a view only person. I never learned to become editable. This is my greatest submission. I did not face the procession. I turned away. I ignored the forward march and cemented myself and…lost the option to be updated. Inflexible, stagnant, but still, perusing that which I wasn’t. I was the view only blockade. Some try to access me but the record is in use by me. My edit record seems to be permanently locked.
I believe I secretly long to be editable.
I want this.
My file is not accessible and I must write.