A deja vu post :)
I’ve had some peculiar obsessive-compulsive thought patterns throughout my life. Luckily, none have proven chronic or disabling. They can be rather bothersome. Like a small fly that swarms around your potato salad at a picnic. You can fend it off but the effort and attention required is maddening and intrudes upon the enjoyment you would otherwise derive from the food. This is what some of my OCD thoughts represent to me.
I found this site that has an interesting summary of OCD behaviors. An earlier comment here reminded me of one such intrusive thought that bugged me periodically through much of my childhood. Like I say, it wasn’t crippling, but it would suddenly make an appearance and squirm into my consciousness and lay its atrocious basket of image eggs in my mind despite my best efforts to fend it off or erase it. From the article about symptom clusters of obsessive-compulsive disorder, there was this which somewhat describes my OCD thought pattern when I was younger:
Worriers and Pure Obsessionals
Worriers and Pure Obsessionals have repetitious negative thoughts that they can’t control and are very upsetting to them. The worrier does not experience any repetious behavior, such as checking or hand washing, or any thinking compulsions. The worriers and pure obsessionals worries about health problems, past traumatic events, or failing at some task in the future. An example of some one not demonstrating any compulsive behavior that could temporary alleviate their distress would be someone worrying about losing all of their saving in the market crash and not being able to educate their children. A severe example would be shameful images of inappropriate sexual behavior, or impulses to kill or hurt themselves or their love ones. Afterward, the person may dwell on how these thoughts may come true for hours or days.
One intrusive recurring thought that burrowed into my mind when I was younger was the notion of a booger sandwich. For long stretches of time, the booger sandwich wouldn’t surface, but then, suddenly and randomly, it would spring forth! It began by gnawing its way into my head insidiously where it would stay implanted for a day or so. The booger sandwich was a repulsive, sickening alter possibility that nauseated me. I often wonder if in fact I was experiencing an upset stomach and it provoked this compulsive thought? Perhaps. The booger sandwich was essentially 2 pieces of bread with a thick layer of many boogers which were scooped from a jar with a butter knife. Oh yeah, there was the booger jar. A jar which was filled with the collection of boogers of many months and many people. The jar was clear of course, and inside you could see a hideous mass of green, black, yellow, red, juicy, moist, sticky-looking, swirls of boogers. They were kept in a fridge for freshness. And when I was ready for the booger sandwich to torment me, I would pull out the knife and spread a nice mucous layer over a slice of bread like a swath of thick jelly. And then, I would complete the sandwich by affixing the other slice of bread. A booger sandwich. The image of 2 slices of bread clenching down on the salty, booger spread could not be shaken from my head. It would camp out in my consciousness and call out to me to “look.”
Ready to take a big bite. I don’t experience this any more, though I do feel like gagging now.