My crap don’t smell, and yours doesn’t have to, either!

Living alone, you quickly realize shit doesn’t matter. Literally.

For the conscientious among us, leaving the bathroom awash in the sordid fumes of our ass-spew is an embarrassment to be avoided. I don’t mind leaving a vaporous suffocating shit cloud behind as long as I’m the only person present. In fact, I seem to wallow in my own fecal stench. It’s a fact of nature that we are not offended by our own shit smell and even revel in it. While we recognize that our stench is not great, we likewise don’t cringe. However, if the shit smell belongs to another, we gag and flee. I don’t know the psycho-evolutionary basis for avoidance of fellow man’s shit smell but it is a fact of life. As I said, the conscientious among us realize that in our 21st century sanitized habitat, evolutionary traits are intrusive and outdated and socially alienating. The bottom line is there is no reason to subject others to our personal fumes. One popular method of dispelling such shit odors are aerosols, however in the putrid presence of extremely noxious bowel movements, Glade-type sprays only serve to dress up the odor in a fragrant bed of foul flora. As they say, it smells like someone took a shit in a Christmas tree in here!!

The most powerful conqueror of home-bred crapsmell (aside from just shitting outside in the garden) are the numerous “odor-neutralizing” drops available on the market now. They work splendidly and truly neutralize rather than masquerade. Even supposed air sprayed “odor neutralizing” agents don’t work very well. Once shit hits and the toilet water begins its nasty business of conducting odors throughout the bathroom environment, it is too late for aerosols. Their lighter than air nature is powerless to combat swampy airborn stink molecules.

I’m not sure of the precise scientific mechanics involved, but it appears that shit, once ensconced in the lovely toilet pool of water, begins to emit its toxic fumes through the liquid medium which acts as a distasteful odoriferous conduit. Water is the transporter. The surface of the toilet water interacts with the air in the room and disperses its pooeyness in this manner. The odor neutralizing drops appear to have an oily surface tension which quickly begins reacting with the toilet water. They spread out over surface, which is key. This is what it looks like. (Disregard the toilet ring, it was there when I moved in to this place and it will not come off no matter what the hell I do).

One drop coats the water and acts as a sheath that spreads over the surface and prevents air and water from interacting. The drops appear to react with the water as well. They infiltrate the bowl and thus prevent odors from expelling into the air. Essentially they create an airtight womb over the toilet water/air divide and thus keep the naughty odors at bay.

It’s the next best thing since sliced bread. I love my drops!

I was given my first bottle by someone who purchased them from a local Japanese market called Marukai. Then I found other variations of the drops sold at Bed, Bath & Beyond, and now it seems they are for sale everywhere. They come in a small bottle that fits in your pocket for portability. If you need to take a deadly dump at your new girlfriend’s house, the embarassement of your biological marker is now a thing of the past. Cigarette matches and Glade are too obvious. Plus they only disguise, they do not dispel. No one must suspect you took a deadly dump!

Straight from the Japanese market! They last forever.