You know how some television programs have specially-themed “weeks?”
The theme might center around a city, an animal, a car, whatever. Apparently, this week has transmogrified into such a monster because tonight I will once again barf out some personal corporate experiences. My previous anti-corporate laments were broadly stated general appraisals of the modern corporation and its place within the grand scheme of modern society. Not bothering to touch upon my direct personal experience, these posts fill in as vast statements of hypothetical opinion. Tonight I’d like to pinpoint some specific qualities I’ve witnessed at play in my own corporate experience and precisely explain why I feel they bear out the diseased manifestations of the corporatocracy.
– (Why buy the cow…): I’ve lost track of how many people my company have been released, allowed to quit, etc., only to be hired back within months after the self-created short-staffed situation that becomes untenable before extra heads are needed in anticipation of a meltdown. Voila, instant temp force.
A bare bones payroll who does not enjoy the legally-endowed “privileges” of outlandish benefits such as health care, sick or vacation paid time, parking spaces. It’s an awesome way for the corporation to replenish its work force to its the previous state for half the price. The only out-of-pocket expense is salary. If the little clerical fucker calls in sick, don’t pay him! If he calls in sick often enough, terminate his contract and you don’t owe him a cent above the time he has punched in to the clock. It’s a wonderful orgy of profitable deforestation. And the beautiful thing is that as the initial, benefits-receiving force is excised, the demand increases for work; as the labor pool is sent overseas, the labor demand increases. The corporations are involved in a cold mission of price fixing…they reduced the labor pool, thus increasing the demand for jobs. As the job demand spikes, so does the bargaining power of the employer. Obeying the laws of supply and demand, a dearth of labor creates a pool of furious competition which benefits only the employer. The corporations manipulate both sides of the market equation. Of course they will create a glut of workers. If I control the production of widgets and the widget demand, of course you realize I’d amp up that demand side of the quotient. I’d be rich corporate piggy.
– (Corporate jingoistic one world hive thought…): My corporation was recently purchased by another larger corporation. Think of this capitalist feast as a flock of whales driven to starvation and slowly feeding on the progressively smaller and small and smaller, and smaller… Yes, so we were purchased, the product of some foreign-ass corporation and shortly thereafter, the bullshit started. A new logo, a new slogan, a standardized brainwashed template which would put the Scientologists to shame. The ostensible message being ONE. Even though we are a global entity servicing hundreds and thousands of consumer international channels, we are ONE. This bullshit seeps right into the working mentality and a hive conciousness takes root and settles in over the corporatized wasteland. The faux teamwork, the faux concern. The corporate Godfathers came aboard and devoted to a common aim, a common mission and we were asked to spout, in in all our emails, correspondence, and garbage that involves customers (and vendors). Our company slogan is ubiquitous and I’m one of the few who refuse to fly those colors in any form. Fuck them. I’m not here to rah-rah those idiots like some bimbo cheerleader. I”m here to work.
– (Let’s…talk…about it…): The other day, I updated my boss about an ongoing (pending) issue that I planned on resolving before our year-end corporate hatchet-jobs came seeking nourishment. My boss listened, affirmed, and offered automatically, “Should I organize a meeting?” Ha!
I told my boss “no.”
That would not be necessary.
I could take care of this on my own. My boss didn’t argue or try to rebut. I’m an old-timer and no one wants to refute my powers. LOL.
Anyways, in today’s corporate climate, meetings are the first refuge for any youngster up and comer. Let’s call a meeting. Skip into Outlook and send out a meeting request. One of those, you know. People respond and cancel in the span of 20 minutes. Seriously though, there is a “culture of meetings” alive and well in the corporatocracy that baffles my mind. They have meetings for every fucking thing imaginable. And these meetings last 20 minutes to over an hour. But one thing they have in common is that only 5% result in anything productive. I’m serious. Most corporate meetings are nothing but fluff and bullshit and maneuvering and small-talk (which I HATE) and by the time the meeting is over, absolutely nothing has been resolved. Even worse. By the end of every meeting, more questions have been raised than answered.