The auspicious doom of the short man

Something Chateau wrote yesterday caught my eye. Or my attention. Anything that deals with the subject of height often climbs my attention ladder. Height is very important to me, especially in this parcel of blogland that seems to hybridize the uncannily ruthless facets of evolution and PUA-tistry. In Chateau’s post, he made a rare allusion to random assorted links…a “linkfest” of sorts. Concerning one link, he wrote:

It’s been asked why every man isn’t tall if women have such a strong preference for tall men. I propose that there is a check on runaway sexual selection for male height — namely, clumsiness.

He links to two music videos by “OK Go” with some cheesy choreography by the 4 band members, seemingly lifted out of the faux-hipster crowd over on lane 17. One of the members is noticeably shorter than the others but appears to have the best footwork compared to his taller cohorts.

I can’t speak to the clumsy quotient, but the question Chateau’s reader posed has frequently skittered across my thinking surface before. The reason the subject of height strangles so much of my attention is because I’m short. I’m 5’6″. Pretty short. But look, height is one of many detrimental factors which, superficially, discount men from the mating game, but which still don’t prevent them from surmounting the mating barriers in excessive numbers. The soul of woman is capricious and twisted; against the vast multitude of the sum of global femininity, the evolutionary male standard or ideal will find a difficult footing, for women, unleashed, are prone to mate with anything, at least once. Of course, over time you will still find that the general evolutionary gathering of the female race would eventually assert itself into an approximate genotype of the typical male. Besides height, you then wonder why other factors haven’t been bred out of men since we know what women “like:” why are there ugly men, why are there fat men, bald men, poor men, pale men, and of course, short men. If the female evolutionary prerogative is indeed in force, why aren’t these less desirable traits purged form the male human race?

Speaking solely about the issue of height, I am convinced women’s preference for height plays itself out as a relatively modern social construct. Prehistorically speaking, you wonder what advantages height might have afforded primitive man. The taller man can reach fruit and nests. He can run faster but when you’re talking about 4-legged prey, even the fastest human sprinter in the world pales by comparison. On the negative side, taller men have more dermal surface area which may act as a physiological disadvantage in very hot or very cold weather, and long limbs are mechanically unstable and prone to injury. Taller males are capable of greater strength but lack the agility of their shorter counterparts. Who knows.

The point I meant to make regarding Chateau’s rheotrical question still lingers.
If the female instinctively favors the taller male, why are do short males exist?

The presence of short males (especiallly the pathologically short) are an indicator and symptom of the general trend of the female’s character imperfections, as well. One of the hallmark traits of a mentally healthy person is the ability to synchronize his behavior and actions with his primal drives. Once you divert from the evolutionary path, the mental hangups begin. Once we become too “human” we begin to lose the foundational markers of our inner animal self. Mental imbalance follows.

Why are there short men? Why are there ugly women?

Speaking of height requirements and shit like that, I’m reminded of an Asian chick I befriended back in 1995ish. She was Chinese and a looker. She liked clubs and drinking and Venice Beach. We hit it off. I was such a wuss, but still, I would have done anything in all my impeccably helpless manner for this Princess. I knew so little. I sucked. She kept me on the phone until 4 in the morning. I sent her gifts even though I never got so much as a blow job. We had great times. And she always made it a point to express her fondness for tall guys. She absolutely demanded that her man be tall. I was so clueless, I took her at her word. I accepted her rule and just assumed I was out of the running. Disqualified due to shortness! I threw in the towel long before I entered the ring. She wanted a tall man. I was not tall, therefore she did not want me. In the meantime, we went out often, drinking, dancing, hanging out, eating. She liked chess. This was in the days before everyone had cellphones so she talked her way into visiting me at my apartment in Hollywood in order to “check my cellphone” out. Cause she was thinking of buying one. She wanted to test mine. She sat on one of my high bar chairs in her mini-skirt. We had gone to eat Thai. She was looking at my phone, I hovered over her, we were laughing and I made her giggle. She had been giggling since dinner. When I sat down at the dinner table, her eyes settled into that sexual complacency. Her thighs, nice and tan, within arm’s reach. But a thought hovered in the back of my immature mind. She wanted a tall man! I was not. So I chickened out. Months later, she talked her way into coming over for a personal chess tournie in my same Hollywood apartment. We played on the carpet. We played and I wanted to fucking Castle her ass. She laid on the floor, ready to be checkmated. But she wanted a tall man. So I concentrated on the game. This was a woman who never stopped talking about her love of tall men who nevertheless insisted on exposing herself to my “shortness.” If I had had any game whatsoever, I could have had her. And I underwhelmed her requirements by at least 6 inches.

Physically unblessed men and women have proven, physiologically, to represent biological and evolutionary kisses of death for their respective genders. Yet they prosper. Humanity will always deviate from its evolutionary beacon and genetic flaws and irregularities. It will always find refuge in our lineage.