There’s a new cyberword on the block.
Defriend: The act of removing a pre-established friend/contact from your social networking profile. Usually stemming from reasons such as personal retribution, newfound disinterest in the acquaintance, as a statement of disagreement, etc.
Raise your hands if you think I made that shit up.
If you raised your hand, you are a winner, or whatever you want to call it.
I did make it up.
I needed a word to describe the phenomena I’ve experienced several times on Facebook.
I’ve been defriended by 2 women (one for obvious reasons which will go no further than my memories, so don’t even think you’re about to read about that shameful experience; the other because I was not a good, attentive friend) and one guy. Not sure why, he never told me (and I’m a man damnit, so I never asked) but we still communicate via email. I have my suspicions which don’t involve me directly but rather relate to other people I have on my friend list. That’s right man, 3 defriendings, and I take those as a mark of pride.
Incidentally, I’m on a mission whereby I am seeking to be defriended by as many Facebook friends as possible. I’ve begun planting rather offensive and disagreeable comments on my friend’s walls and it’s only a matter of time before I get scratched off someone’s list. My ultimate goal is to be defriended by all of my whopping 25 Facebook buddies by sheer virtue of my overbearing and pompous ass that can’t seem to shut up.
That is my noble goal.
Are you with me?
I would assume it’s fashionable at this moment in history for the asocial and misanthropic nerd herd to express vehement disgust with Facebook and its culture of laborious social minutiae.
I see Facebook as the global, cyber embodiment of all that I detest when having to interact with…humans and their tirelessly droll offerings. Facebook, that fucking wall, it’s like one incredible stellar festival of small talk, endlessly cyber looped in various forms of trite and supremely annoying irrelevance and triviality. You can find the worst sort of platitudes and blather plastered across the Walls of FB.
It’s cool to hate Facebook for this fact alone.
But rather than rail against it in a most aggressive and disagreeable manner, I find it’s much more humorous and amusing instead to make a game of it and mock rather than attack. The other day, on this blog, I posted a comment someone made about someone “deserving better” and turned it into a lengthy, detoured post. Later, I will post another snapshot of a formulaic and lazy sentiment I found on someone’s wall. Rather than lambast, I will chide and mock. I think Facebook’s culture of small talk bullshit is annoying beyond description. Facebook is a conglomeration of the entire cyber community’s mindless propensity to recite mindless shit I do not care about. Simply put, small talk. The crap people use to spark “conversations” because they are attention-starved whores or because they honestly think their life is truly that captivating. Strike 2 on both counts! People’s lives and their breakfasts or evening commute is NOT INTERESTING. The worst thing about it being that the trivial and meaningless second-by-second accounting of people’s not-noteworthy garbage which in a normal world would be forgotten and ignored by sharp-minded folks, is instead greeted with equal doses of fervor and simple-mindedness.
ie: Some idiot may post about how he would really love a 4×4 from In n’ Out Burger even though it’s 1:30 am and I guarantee you that 2 or 3 friends will do the “like” thumbs up idle gesture and maybe another couple will actually take time respond with empty-headed quips. It’s the responses that gnaw on my nerves. Not only is your shallow brain spew horrible to witness, now I have to read other brain spew in response which thus glorifies and legitimizes your spew. It’s a fucking orgy of idiocy.
It’s Whoredom of Expression.
That is what Facebook and Twitter are.
No good intellectually snobbish misanthropic curmudgeon worth his salt would be caught dead humoring the ludicrous level of expression that is written on those walls of hell. Before I continue with my next real life Facebook citation for public ridicule, I’d like to point out a fellow blogger who has taken the ridicule of Facebookian culture to new heights of comic mockery. bschooled over on Just Making Convo, has made a franchise of Facebook-friending public figures and joining the empty-headed chorus in a very Trojan Horse-like subversion until she suddenly springs forth with the most irreverent jabs which I’m sure leave the sincere Facebook participants befuddled and scratching their heads. Facebook and its adherents are engaged in serious business! So much so that witty subversiveness is lost on many there.
Without further ado, let me dive right into my next installment of annoying Facebook talk.
I hear this sentiment, and variations of it, all the time.
Especially every December 31/January 1.
People in swarms of lemming-like delusion use the calendar demarcation as a catalyst for personal change even though, in reality, January 1 is absolutely no different than December 31 in real, qualitative terms. The concept of New Year’s resolutions is lazy and ill-fated, for to construct one’s plan for personal renovation around a meaningless date is to thus cast the rest of the year into a subordinate and pallid role. In other words, you build up to that big day but once its over and the clock strikes midnight, the next day saunters in without fanfare and somehow the magical symbolism of a number just doesn’t exist anymore and now it is up to your personal will to continue the resolution. This is the trapping of structuring your life around a calendar.
This Facebook dude alludes to hoping the upcoming year turns out better.
Though not a direct example of “New Year’s,” there is nevertheless a sentiment buried in that thought which is clearly deciphered and understood…namely, that the new year (in this case, the new year being a new chronological age) will bring with it auspicious change. But…change doesn’t just happen. It’s made. Here’s the rub: I don’t think the dude who made that wall post is a fool. He’s well aware that what I say is the truth. This is not a mysterious secret. I’m not dispensing timeless wisdom I uncovered beneath some ancient ruins. It’s tragic that when expressing one’s thoughts on Facebook, idiocy emerges. Trite, rote, unimaginative thoughts pour forth in response to a blank “wall.” Facebook, with its promise of easy and available expression by the second cheapens the quality of discourse. Cheapening discourse, it thus stupefies it as well. Expression becomes easy and ubiquitous and loses its value. People say shit like “let’s hope this year turns out better” and it is expressed to legions of nodding robots who happily rejoin with a push of the like button or the expression of hollow platitudes while not daring to question the foundation of the original thought.
And therein lies my goal…to call out Wall Posts for their inaninity and thus expose the retarded underbelly of mass expression.
I am on a defriending mission!