This is a first, with a few corrections:
I was thinking about some deep intellectual ramifications tonights. Ramifications of my behavior, of life, of my perspectives. nothing is ever as it seems and nothing as it will be or has been. shit just seems to happen. shit is rehearsed, however. you sit and wait but in the meantime you made shit happen and you didn’t realize it. you control a universe and never knew this until it happens on you, crushes your skull. and then who do you feel sorry for? yourself? someone else. we try to accept responsibility for the malfeasance we trigger yet we want to escape it all the day long. we don’t want to be held accountable for anything because we are children alsways looking to escape the scourge of accountability and punishment. we want our pleasure and our release and then what. our life is procession of milestones without significance and even if they are significant, who the fuck remembers or cares? which is why they are insignificant i suppose so where do we find meaning or spiritual allure? do we live for you, for me, do we live for anything other than to just live. i think to just live is the finest thing a man can achieve, to just live, zen wonderment. to live and die for a moment. live in the flash of a quantum big bang moment which is what we do, the briefness is intoxicating
stop it and swallow your folly but crucify the persecution
nothing ever mattered did it?