I don’t really hate lawyers. But maybe…

I don’t work in the legal field nor anywhere near it. But today I had occasion to dabble in some “legalese” at work. You know, that fine printed, ass-covering practice of noting every foreboding occurrence possible in order to be able to tell (or have your lawyer tell) a judge or a mediator “hey, I said it right here” while you carefully point to the unreadable font where you in fact did warn of this unlikely possibility.

I was revolted.

Everyone talks smack about lawyers. And it’s not by accident or ill fortune.
In fact, I don’t hate lawyers (most of them, anyways). They’ve chosen their field, their profession, and probably devoted many days and nights and most of their youth to the rigorous study of law and case study.

Nah, I don’t hate lawyers, but I hate what they do and what they represent.
Lawyers and the legal profession essentially epitomize and illustrate what it is about people that I detest most.
Ass-covering and distrust.
Ass-covering is distrust in yourself, reflected. You expect others to act as you…to treat you as you would treat them. It’s a battle of lowest common denominator behavior and the legal profession is nothing but a vast, studied and comprehensive dissection of words and laws with the purported aim of twisting each word against its basic definition and impression. The legal profession’s fuel is dishonor. I don’t hate lawyers but I hate what their existence says about us.

Think of it this way. Of this little slice of Utopia as it exists in my mind. A mind exercise: my Utopia is a land of honor, respect and sacrifice. Humility steers our actions and treatment of others. There are no lawyers for there is no law because there is no deceit or distrust.

Law is only codified behavior control because generations upon generations of man realized one crucial thing above all…people have no self-control or sensual discipline. People are excruciatingly unable to summon cause and direction fully from within their own souls. They must be threatened and we’ve created an artificially sustained nanny society to prevent us from running wild.

We suck. People suck. If you are able to will an honorable soul in the absence of legislated castigation, you are rare.

The legal profession has exceeded its call of upholding and defense of law by taking simple, logical concepts of behavior and transforming them through nauseating bouts of deconstruction into a coiled scheme of confusion slyly distorted in order to “outdistort” the other side’s distortions. It’s like arguing with a rather adept woman. She overlooks the blunt edge of logic because her head is stuck in the fog of surreality. In this cloud, laws of physics and reason are distorted, it’s like the Bermuda Triangle of human interactions. Up is down, right is left, and the lawyers now take their years of education to refine this same skill in an educated manner that usurps normal comprehension.

I don’t hate lawyers, I hate what they do. I hate that they are a mold of the void in our human soul.
I hate their careful microanalysis and overly refined disassembly of our words.

I think I hate lawyers.