Papas don’t let your baby boys grow up to be…indecisive

One of the great transgressions of modern mores which I see fit to punish with 30 lashings and a good dose of tar and feathers is that logjam presented by the indisputably annoying sack who hems and haws for 5 minutes at the counter while they decide exactly which coffee or sandwich or big fucking meal special they want this fine day.

And we wait in line hanging on each confused and unsteady thought which rambles out their mouth as they contemplate all the choices that this godforsaken restaurant’s menu presents to their wavering souls.

Just when it seems they have made a choice and you’re only one step away placing your order quickly and confidently (because you’ve had a good 10 minutes to make up your mind while this ninny was deciding…) and then…he/she decides they need to ask the cashier one more question because they simply cannot choose between the 2 choices it has taken them an eternity to wittle the menue down to. So they ask and you wait.

It it’s a woman, you shrug helplessly. It’s the female curse…that insane inability to make up one’s mind. Cool. Whatever, even. We can tolerate annoying behavior when it’s expected, part of the script. It’s what girls do. If a 4-year-old in-potty-training boy pisses all over my toilet seat…well, frankly it is annoying but it’s no big deal. It’s what you expect.

So if you have a woman lingering and holding up the Starbucks line because she can’t decide between a caramel macchiato and a vanilla latte, it seems business as usual. But when it’s a guy…

Now it’s strangle time. Be a man damnit. A man makes a decision and lives with it. Simple. If you don’t like the coffee you ordered, oh well, life goes on. Next time you can order something different. A man recognizes that life is too large and of such grave concern that agonizing over what kind of ice cream cone to order is indeed a pitiful display of manliness.

Simple law of gender nature: men choose after short introspective deliberation; women choose after extended and drawn-out public consultation.

Problem is, I’m seeing way too many men lapsing into the female netherworld of indecisiveness lately. Too many men now seem overwhelmed by the choices they face; a panic sets in, a loss of self, a loss of direction. The masculine inner compass is rendered directionless here in the topsy turvy world of the 21st Century Male.

Making a decision and facing the consequences is a stoic exercise in maleness.
When did we stop teaching little boys that one stands by their choices and their words?