How An Unmarried Man has stolen my soul

Well if Roissy can do it, why can’t I?

In fact, being that I have about 0.002% of his readership, I should have absolutely no qualms about it.
In fact, in fact, IN FACT.
This is the reason I should.
Personally I preferred “Roissy in DC” to “Citizen Renegade.”

Only a blogger knows our own reasons for doing what we do.
Only a blogger knows why we keep changing our header area and color scheme repeatedly as if searching for that golden blog grail.

Everything is in a name. The name…it sets the tone, the feel.
The readers, all 3 of them, intellectually integrate your blog name into their perception of your blog, and reach a point where the name and the writing becomes synonymous, genetically melded, thus dictating the general tone. Roissy in DC was an ultra cool name. Citizen Renegade…ah, sounds like the name a Tea Bagger might use for his lonely blog to expound upon the evils of government and feminism.

The reason I say all this is because I was contemplating a post. Actually, I’ve contemplated it for a couple of days, and in the course of hashing it out in my waking mind, a phrase keeps surfacing, a catchy set of words.

An Unmarried Man.
Which was originally set as the name of the post. But as I repeated the words in my mind, mantra-like, the working title and all they signify, the soul of the nature they impart, the way they ascribe a value set my life is centered around currently, it occurred to me that if I had to do this blog shtick all over again, I would have used that as the name for this blog.

An Unmarried Man.

How lushly simple and beautiful that sounds. Earnestly probing.
Such retiring but descriptive words. They must be unearthed. I must excavate the hell out of them.

An Unmarried Man.

I got to thinking…I can still do it. Roissy did it. Lots of bloggers do it.
Do I or don’t I?
I’ve built a franchise around “Phoenixism” for almost 9 1/2 months now. Whether it’s something to boast of is extremely questionable.

I’m being very indecisive, which is one of the most annoying traits I can think of, especially in a man.

So what is the emotional grip, the sway this (as now) hypothetical name has over me?
And why the post?
Am I trying to convince myself, one way or the other?
Is my public indecisiveness really just an overwrought and self-centered internal deliberation opened up for the blogosphere to witness? So that by the end of this post I may actually force myself to make a decision?

An Unmarried Man is the perfect fit, really. Like a glove.
Phoenixism, I thought it was a clever name at the beginning. Then.

You know, speaking as a man who was once married and “stepped out” the boundaries of that glorious institution, I can assure you that this hemming and hawing and second-guessing of one’s own previous choices is precisely the sort of emotional turmoil and thought process that goes through the minds of most adulterers, those heinous villains we delight in hating.

I’m essentially cheating on Phoenixism.
It’s emotional cheating right now because I haven’t acted on it but there is heavy flirtation going on. Innuendo.
An Unmarried Man is sweeping me off my married feet while Phoenixism is tidying up the house and preparing tonight’s supper.

Is there guilt?

Let me tell you why An Unmarried Man and I were meant to spend our lives together.


Look beyond the limited cultural meaning of this description.
Look beyond archaic historical definitions.
Look beyond religion, beyond family units, beyond doomed self-destructive human arrangements which purport to pair off mating couples in eternally blissful matrimony.
Look beyond that.
Look beyond that because that is not what An Unmarried Man is about. I’ve never set out to ridicule marriage. Marriage, the arrangement that transcends description in our tangible world. Man, woman, joined by social and religious convention, indebted to each other spiritually for eternity. The marriage we reflexively think of.

No. Not the marriage I think of.


The first 4 definitions refer to the traditional ideal of marriage and are based on the etymology of the word which revolves around the concept of union between man and woman.

Beyond that. I only care about definitions 5 & 6. Neutral definitions referring to the key concepts of “close” and “joining” of “2 parts.” This is the “marriage” I’m speaking of, the marriage of man and other. Marriages which are not necessarily codified by formal rites or historical cabals into Godly union.
No, no, no.

An Unmarried Man is about marriages of the informal but utilitarian variety. Marriages man takes upon himself and which are steered and accelerated by factors intrinsic to his grandiose human spirit. Marriages dictated by desires for wealth and superficial pleasure and ego and fear and conformity and immortality. Union of man and those objects and cultural motifs he’s built which promise only casual attachment but are easily and abruptly divorced without fanfare if the need or urge ever arises. Marriages that spawn new inventions and the construction of vast cultural and societal monuments that feed his ability to foment and give birth to all the marriages his voracious heart desires. For these marriages, the marriages of the the mind, breed more marriages. To sustain marriages, man must enlarge and increasingly encumber his world with new tools of of material reproduction. And deeper he buries himself in his external world of gadgets and shortcuts and conveniences. Marriages severed as easily as switching a blog name.

An Unmarried Man. Is an unburied man.

Seeking to live a life with as few unions as possible.

How many lazy and superficially satisfying amenities is a man willing to part with? How intensely is he willing to part with the ornamental glitter that materialistic culture coyly offers his avararice-ridden soul?

That is now the spirit of this blog. That is where I find myself these days. Phoenixism, the concept of renewal and self-discovery, was a step.
The evolution of unmarriage, of leaving the path, departing, extricating oneself from the world’s timid delights. How far do we veer out? How far do we take it?

How far can I take it?
The decision is made. Was made much earlier in this post, actually.
Minutes after I publish, Phoenixism will give way to An Unmarried Man.

I suspect that in time, a new name, a name which symbolizes my pressing expressive urge of the time, will supersede this name as well.

As they say, once a cheater, always a cheater.