Road map to my innuendo

I’m going to begin a really lame post with an equally lame riddle.

Q.What is an Italian suppository?
A. An innuendo.

The point (so to speak) of this being the concept of the innuendo.
I was thinking of the art of innuendo. I love innuendos, I love using them, and used correctly, in moderation, can spice up some really dull-ass daily interactions at work, school, the supermarket, church…you get my drift.

They also present an NLP-type of mind fuck which I suppose can be considered ethically-challenged, but whatever.

The innuendo can be a powerful force for good or for evil.
It can frame you in a different light for others to peer at, or it can make you look like a creepy buffoon.

Speaking of creepy buffoons, I once worked with a dude who had the innuendo all wrong. Problem was, he loved using them. Over, and over, and over.

His self-concious, pseudo-edgy sexual mockery was painful to witness.

His style of innuendo was the type that you see mainly issue from dorky, socially maladjusted middle-aged men (sorta like me, but you have to admit I have some social grace) who are always trying to turn every situation into a sexual one. Once he heard or detected an innuendo-friendly situation, he pounced on it with his nasally, wise-acre voice and tone. Basically once you heard his voice lapse into that mode, you knew a little disgusting snippet of flagrant smut would issue from his mouth. (I’m positive the guy, if not a practicing child molester, fantasized about being such in the darkest recesses of his innuendo den). It was a high-pitched, WC Fields-kinda toot, and he would make a sexual comment which usually was not very oblique, not very sly, and not very funny.

That was creep innuendo.

With a different delivery, perhaps a different deliverer, much of what he said might have been funny or intriguing.
As it was, it was just burdensome and slimy and way too self-conscious.

Innuendo is a right-brained hemisphere trait.

Innuendo that is well-done and sharp is nearly undetectable by the person who is extremely left-brained. Some innuendo can be so subtle that it may slip by those who are not equipped to detect such surreptitious and disguised humor.

Most innuendo falls in the middle and is detectable by all. In extreme cases. some people simply lack the ability to perceive all innuendo and they may question the joke; they may attempt to find the root logic behind what was said, and in the process, ruin the joke. Sometimes this may come across as extreme innocence or naivete…but it’s merely a function of extreme left hemispheric linear thinking. Point A to Point B with very little awareness of the “path” taken intellectually to traverse it.

Here’s an example of innuendo I experienced on the receiving end the other day. It’s not particularly refined or subtle, but its mechanics and delivery were excellent and hilarious. One of those “you had to be there” situations. Which really defines the heart of innuendo. It is not just words. It is inflection, it is timing, it is tone. Innuendo cannot effectively be related on paper (or on screen).

I work with a woman who recycles all her plastic and glass bottles…she keeps a trash can behind her, tucked under her desk return. Whenever I’m done with a bottle, I will usually stick it in the container. My humble gift of 3 cents to her. The other day I finished off an Arrowhead bottle and walked over and tried to throw it in the container but it was filled and the bottle fell out and and landed by her chair. I leaned down to pick it up and carefully inserted it into overflowing pile of bottles.

“Ooops,” I murmured.
“Yeah right. You just wanted to stick your head down there,” she said without turning.

There is some nicely done, NLP kinda innuendo. The delivery was well-made and the idea, the suggestion, rooted itself in my mind.

That’s what innuendo does when done well.
Opening the psychological door to the seamy side of our soul. Bingo!

9 Replies to “Road map to my innuendo”

  1. Ha ha ha ha…too fucken funny! By the way I bet you would find an entry under fudgecicle on Google…one way to find out. :]

  2. Hello there, and although the sound of a new business adventure sound very lucrative I am going to have to pass. What is a packing plant bar? How about the cocktail????

  3. I wouldn’t want to hear tales from a bar called the Packing Plant either. Sounds kind of like a man thing…lol.

  4. First of all, that so-called Arrowhead bottle I am certain was full of vodka! And no, I did not have to be there. I have been there way too many times! Oh, and this is a LAME post!

  5. If I had a nickel for every sick, twisted and perverted lil comment I have made at the packing plant David I would be set for life…lol. I also agree with the usage comment, anything in moderation is okay, but you have to be cautious when dropping the one-liners. As in every situation where innuendoes come up (ha ha just caught myself thinking with the right hemisphere) make sure present company has a sense of humor, especially at work. Can we say “Sexual Harassment Law Suit?” With all this in mind let’s hope psychological door is open and swinging! ROAD TRIP I GOT SHOTGUN!

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