Once you get past the trained attack squirrel thing, there’s this…


Dat mug shot.


Janice Smith really wanted to get rid of her boyfriend.  Including a most cute, but demented, scheme involving…killer squirrels.







45-year old Janice Smith was arrested this morning by officers of the Detroit Police Department, for allegedly capturing numerous squirrels and training them to attack her former lover.


The victim, 51-year old James Robinson, was presumably attacked by the rodents on more than a dozen occasions over the last month.


These attacks caused him many serious injuries, including the loss of two fingers and one testicle, bitten off by his attackers.


The poor man had no idea why squirrels kept attacking him until he saw his ex-girlfriend, a former circus animal trainer, cheering the animals during one of the attacks.


Apparently Detroit really is nothing but a jungle (and petting zoo).


(One may ask if this is fake news.  To which I reply:  does it really matter?)