My untenable life.


I suspect that, living your day in, day out, especially if you’re a hyper-introverted recluse who only comes out to earn a living, you get to the repetitive point where your shit becomes very normal, so normal you don’t realize how abnormal it is. That you’re really pretty unhinged and most others are actually “normal” and not particularly notorious.  Their mundane, predictable, ignorant existence is as it should be.


There is no solace, no pride, nothing remarkable about my abnormality, but recognizing it beyond my existential myopia does provide a good source of amusement and intellectual awakening. And it can be a little scary perhaps, to realize, my life, the way I live my day, each day, is of such an “elevated” (I don’t like this word for it’s presumptuous; I mean it in a non-physical hierarchical context here) state, my existence, that it is vastly untenable for the majority of normal people. Am I overreaching, aggravating that which should remain unperturbed?


My life, calculated, meticulous, rigorous, militaristic, regimented…all this. Each day like a march of death. For instance, this morning:


  • I awoke about 2:45. Got up, surfed a little, went back to sleep about 3:10, woke up at 3:50. Lay in bed until 4:30. Another 4-5 hour night of sleep. Not ideal, this insomnia sucks, but still, I function fine.


  • Prepared breakfast. Measured each item in order to calculate my calories. Today a 40-gram bowl of cereal, half a cup of whole milk, 60 grams of sourdough toast, 1 teaspoon of butter, 5 cups of black coffee, 1.4 ounces of turkey sausage and 2.3 fluid ounces of Blueberry-flavored Kefir. On track for another 1,600 calorie day.


  • Day 2 of my weightlifting routine. Deadlifts day, 5×5.  Gotta lift to stay in normal weight range.  If it wasn’t for weightlifting, I suspect my BMI would fall below 18.5 from the present 18.8.  In other words, I owe about .3-.5 BMI “points” to deliberate muscle building.


  • Will make sure my backpack is ready and all items are in their respective pouches/pockets for another day of public commuting. I will continue reading a Joyce Carol Oates novel and listen to music on my mp3 player since I do not have, nor desire, a smart phone.


  • My shirt is ironed and ready to go as are my pants; the shirt noted in my daily log for I have a shirt rotation that lasts about 4 weeks and I don’t like to repeat-wear a shirt within the cycle. In order to maximize the life of my shirts. My shirts are named according to a private nomenclature only I understand.


  • Will take my shower. Start off with normal/hot temperature water. Once I’ve cleaned, I shift to a fully cold stream for about 2 or 3 minutes, regardless of time of year, and the bathroom window must remain open for optimum exhilaration effect.


I could go on, but enough madness.


My untenable life.