Sometimes this shit writes itself…


This shit. From none other than World News Daily!


Anyways, there’s this really fat, really poor dude, only identified as “Mr. Fleming,” in Springfield, Massachusetts. He decided to go “splurge” at a Golden Corral all-you-can-eat buffet last Thursday.


When you look like this and have empty pockets, this kind of culinary offering is heaven-sent.


"The table was next..."
“The table was next…”


Well, like all true gluttonous leeches, Mr. Fleming wasn’t about to put his last bite down just yet. Seven hours later…aw hell, I’ll let WND tell you.


A man from Massachusetts is suing Golden Corral Corporation for 2 million dollars, for false advertising, after being literally thrown out of one of the chain’s restaurants by the employees, last Thursday.


According to witnesses, the 51 year old man who lives on welfare, was expelled from the restaurant after he then spent more than 7 hours on-site, ingesting a quantity of food which has been estimated between 50 and 70 pounds.


Frankly I’m not amazed this guy can put away that much food. You don’t reach such a pinnacle of physical condition through moderation or slow metabolism: you gotta be fucking Orca and eat everything in sight, and only stop to breathe. Bathroom visits, showers and sleep, optional.  What does amaze me that that anyone in the world can “literally” throw this guy out of anything bound by Earthly gravity.


Despite the fact that the restaurant advertised the buffet as “all-you-can-eat”, the manager of the establishment seems to have lost patience at some point, telling him that his meal would be free but asking him to leave. The manager’s intervention angered Mr Fleming, and a brief altercation took place before he was finally pushed out of the restaurant.


Pushed? Um.
Rolled? Hell ya.


He immediately called the police and filed a complaint against the restaurant, and he intends to make the people responsible for his mistreatment, pay for their actions.

“It’s a serious injustice, and I am deeply insulted!” Mr. Flemmings told reporters. “With my income, I rarely go to the restaurant, so I try to get as much as I can for my money when I do. This was the worst experience I have ever had in a restaurant. Not only did they kick me out while I was still hungry, but they looked at me like I was disgusting, like I was not worthy of eating there! It’s unacceptable, and I demand a compensation!”


Mr. Fleming’s official quote transcends any justice I can lend it.


Read it and try to imagine you’re reading an Onion article. World News Daily is probably a dubious source of anything, but this story is so ridiculously mundane that I can’t imagine anyone expending an ounce of energy making stuff like this up.


Like I said, this shit writes itself.