The ultimate life conservation.

Please don’t judge me for being a regular reader of Buzzfeed.

It’s like the old days when Playboy still printed nudes. I really enjoyed the articles and short stories and no matter how much I tried (in fact, the more I tried) to explain this, the more persistently people nodded smugly. Same with Buzzfeed.

I enjoy its lists and photos…

Its smarmy, lefty, socially-conscious politics…not so much.. Buzzfeed has no middle ground. Everyone there is some faceless coastal egalitarian elite who believes the world is a nice, warm, cozy place, pajama suits and all.

Buzzfeed is in my news aggregator and occasionally a headline catches my eye. As I said, they do have good lists, a lot of them dealing with introversion, skinniness, shortness; BS I can call my own.

Earlier, I saw this:


I had to start reading it, of course, but before I finished the first bullet point, I was struck by something.

Fuck this!

Of course, college sucks the life out of you. Duh!

But you know what? Everything sucks the life out of you!

“Living” sucks the life out of you. Every single miserable day spent walking this planet, dealing with all the rude, smelly, disgusting, loud, vile, vulgar cretins that call themselves “humanity” sucks the life out of you.

My office mate at work sucks the life out of me. Loud, annoying, incessantly obnoxious, anxious people, everywhere. On the train today. This Hispanic dude sat down across the way. He slammed his backpack on the seat, water, disinfectant, coffee, just a busy goddamned display of everything, smart phone included. He could not sit still for a minute. He wore sunglasses, then lifted them above his hairline and he kept fidgeting, looking up and down the aisle, checking something out, looking, shifting, looking in my direction. I don’t look at anyone, ever, especially on public transportation. I listen to my music, and if I’m reading something interesting, I read (right now, I’m reading something that hasn’t absorbed my interest, so I’m not reading much), I just sit like a rock. I recognize no one, react to no one, I am a total autist on that fucking train. But homey this morning would not stop moving and it pissed the fuck out of me.

He drained my life. Exponentially so. I aged at least 3 hours in 45 minutes

Everything sucks the life out of you. College, family, work, freeways, train riders, loud children, nervous people, Donald Trump, traffic jams, anal people, Asian drivers, Black kids with pants below their hips, White people in Crocs, everyone.

Give me a nice, uninhabited clearing in a forest.

Ultimate life conservation!