The perfect weather for pancakes.

Over on BuzzFeed, another fat-apologist photo album of assorted land whales with pleasant faces asking us to humor their mental illness.

Titled “12 Things Plus-Size Models Want You To Know About The Fashion Industry,” it reminded me of an exchange I had recently with a rotund tub of egotistical lard I happen to be acquainted with (not the one above, fyi). This chick I know is the sort of vile, burping slob whose distasteful existence is perpetuated by oodles of mentally diseased male attention.

She recently returned from a camping trip she took with her boyfriend, and was giving me a rundown (which I graciously did not ask for, but this doesn’t seem to matter to some loudmouths). She was speaking dreamily of the cool, gray morning they got up and made pancakes for breakfast.

“The weather cold and cloudy…it was perfect for pancakes!” she salivated.

Ah, the things that go through my mind. I really needed to, wanted to, say, “For you, the sun coming up is the perfect weather for pancakes.”