Who’s been walking all over you?

Never fails.

The comments you encounter around the blogosphere display enticing tidbits into the peculiar nature of humankind. Great experimental fodder for sociological thought experiments.

Over on her blog, Sofia (speaking of enticing) posted some thoughts about her dire work circumstances. Now anyone who is used to dealing with women complaining about work realize just how “dire” dire can be.

In the parlance of Femspeak, this is called “venting”…an activity which provides a necessary and self-preserving tool for the female psyche. Blogging is a great venting tool because it is

1) Public. Theoretically, anyone and everyone has access to the woman’s grievances which is vital.

2) It allows her to present the grievances in the form of an uninterrupted monologue. Very important as well, for once she has stated her piece, the essential purpose of the venting function has been fulfilled.

Venting serves as a modern-day cathartic ego-booster, for men and women alike.

To further expound on the Femspeak, when venting, women only ask that you listen. Any feedback you offer must be presented with the sole purpose of validating her feelings. Don’t argue and don’t offer anything that could be construed as criticism.

The woman is merely asking that you nod and empathize with the gloomy, Apocalyptic state of her work affairs.

In response to Sofia’s emotional purge, she received lots of good advice which essentially advised her against making rash decisions. I also added an extra piece of non-validating advice:

2)Work on a lifelong habit of calm acceptance. You’ll soon realize (hopefully) that regardless or where you work, there will be people who will gladly piss you off. I’m the biggest misanthrope you ever will meet but I never let people ruin my day. Accept human nature is grating and mysteriously maddening. Leave it behind and live your life. Working with the public can easily aggravate the problem; working with a fixed set of co-workers on a daily basis is no walk in the park either!

She responded to all suggestions, ideas, and to #2 she replied:

As for number two…. sigh. I don’t know if I can’t ever be passive enough to let someone walk all over me, even if I’m getting paid for it. The issue is being prideful.

Now she has thrown out a couple of concepts that represent crucial and omnipresent conflicts peppering the work place:

-walk all over me

There is the tendency on the part of many people at various stations in life (work being just one of many) to assume this quasi-defensive “honor and dignity” tirade when dealing with disagreeable people. You know, the whole “my pride is more important than anything else” and “I will not let people walk all over me!” routine.

What is this kind of “pride” other than ego disguised as anything less than pseudo-dignity?

The sad truth is that most disagreeable people are simply disagreeable because of problems they solely own. If a customer or co-worker acts like a dick or a bitch and treats you like a piece of dog turd, I’d venture to say there is a 98% chance their behavior stems from inner issues they cannot deal with, have not learned to deal with, due to inner conflicts and/or fractured harmonies in their own fucked up life.

In other words: not your problem.

Life does not require that you place your pride on the line for the emotional wounds that others bring to the table to torment you with.

It’s not a matter of pride.

Walking all over you? I doubt that. Usually such people are such a scattered mess that they walk all over everything, dragging their unleashed psychic wounds over everyone’s lawn, upsetting the sod and creating further havoc in their wake. Unfortunately, you happened to be in the way. It could have been me, your neighbor, anyone. Taking every slight personally is nothing but preventable self-mortification.

Only in an immature society could whining and “lashing out” be viewed as indicators of courage and tools of self-dignity.
edited 12/20/2009

4 Replies to “Who’s been walking all over you?”

  1. fsharp my good buddy!
    Ever since my half-assed lockdown I’ve failed to seal all corridors and there are occasional posts still exposed to the open commenter air and you found one!

    I’ve often felt, when I was in whatever comatose state I was, that there was a force at work but I don’t give it much thought because I wonder if it’s not my mind playing hopeful tricks on myself, but … I feel that the fact I “resurfaced” was not an accident. I wish I could recall more.

  2. Wow – i just read your reply to my comment via the ‘random’ synchronicity generator sidebar.

    Hope things are well with you. That car crash – damn. Who designed that road – he must have been drunk!

    My impression re anger was that you not so much touched bottom and pushed upward and kicked for the surface – but that a life force moved you semi-conscious to the surface (and light).

  3. Synchronicity indeed.

    I was screwed over at work many years ago by a trio of cunning cretins. My dignity and pride – and career – were massively injured. (Though I can see that i contributed partially).

    Intellectually i see that you are correct. But emotionally – that’s something else. Roissy is interesting on hate and vengeance.

    “usually such people are such a scattered mess that they walk all over everything”
    Ha – you must have been there.

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