The saint I’m not.

Well, I’m no saint. This is irrefutable.

I’ve had long periods of degeneracy and depravity scattered throughout my life. I’ve come to terms with much of my past, and as such, I generally don’t mind candidly speaking about it. I suspect that I still have a depraved heart, but at this point in my life, it beats apathetically and I’m able to contain and resist such scurrilous behavior because I no longer have the urge or energy to indulge in such sinful pastimes. I’m at a place in which I’ve discovered relative contentment and peace of mind and the beckoning dark forces of life don’t tempt; at least, not enough to make me risk this peace of mind and equanimity I’ve discovered.

And yes, I can be a shameless degenerate. For instance, my office mate (who I suspect is an undercover SJW), was spending much of her work time today reading about Jared Fogle, the fallen Subway thinner suspected pedo who was recently charged with a host of sex crimes involving minors and child pornography. At one point, my office mate said something like, “And a 16-year-old girl, why would anyone want to be with a 16-year-old girl? Would you?”

“Hell yeah,” I answered. She looked shocked, even startled, by my “admission.”

“Haven’t you seen some 16-year-old girls? They look 20!” I half justified. She laughed and seemed astonished I would admit such a non-revelation. I continued to explain that 16, 15 is the lowest age at which I find females sexy. At 15, 14, 13, they are just not developed enough and have the bodies of young boys still. Secondary sex characteristics have not expressed themselves fully yet. I don’t find a lot of them very attractive, but 16…16 can be the tipping point for chicks. Some 16-year-old girls are damned hot, and I told my office mate that most men think this way but they don’t all admit it. I felt I had to exculpate my sentiment since she seemed taken aback. The fact I jumped all over her question so enthusiastically in the affirmative made me wonder if perhaps something was wrong with me, with my willingness to praise the sexiness of 16-year-old girls. Is it me, am I truly that depraved?

And then today turned out to be Ashley Madison day!

Impact Team stayed true to its threat and released almost 10 Gigs of confidential subscriber data housed by the infidelity dating site.

And that’s another thing.

I’m also a cheater, but that is old news, hence, my current marital status. I was a vile cheater but I did it the old-fashioned way: face to face and in dingy hotel rooms and dark golf courses. I cheated in person and took the risk involved in exposing your real-life existence to shame instead of using a stupid faceless, anonymous website. That’s how we rolled in the early 2000’s!

One thing I know: my name or credit card info won’t be on that hacked list. I got all my illicit shit out of the way.