I feel bad that Cecil is dead and all, he was probably a beautiful creature…but you know what? I don’t care.

Cecil, Cecil, Cecil.

The internet has cheapened the news cycle horribly. It has turned the news into a raging, filthy skank ho, a saggy old hag wearing acrid perfume, tomato-colored rouge and gloppy mascara.

The PETAcucks are at it again:

Cecil the Lion, a resident of Zimbabwe’s national park, and an national icon was poached and killed this week. Media reports in the Guardian, Wall Street Journal and elsewhere have identified American Walter Palmer, a dentist from Minneapolis, MN as the poacher. He is alleged to have lured Cecil from the safety of the national park to kill him. Two of Palmer’s local accomplices are already in custody. Zimbabwe authorities now actively seeking Palmer in connection with this incident.

We urge the Secretary Of State John Kerry and the Attorney General Loretta Lynch to fully cooperate with the Zimbabwe authorities and to extradite Walter Palmer promptly at the Zimbabwe government’s request

Why does crap like this even make the news?

I feel bad Cecil was shot dead, but fuck him. Bring on the next lion.

Or better yet, bring on the next non-news story. Maybe Malia Obama has a crush on the nice Jewish boy at Sidwell Friends?

Please, anything besides this damned lion.