Dual monitors as a (false) signal of efficiency in the modern office.


That sterile brand of corporate America pencil-pushing office mental space is a real mindfuck.


In today’s world, it is essentially a large sprawling bitch-haven of trivialized competitive, peer-driven conformity and ricocheting personal aggravations. Whereas human society was once driven by physical conflict and combat, and all its attendant signals of physical size, power and aggressiveness, it is now nudged along by petty feuds and indirect confrontations of reticence and passive affronts. The new cultural space is shaped by the female mentality which is what Human Resources propounds as the unofficial Official brand of acceptable behavior and comportment.


One such affectation I’ve noted in recent years has been a mindless boast I see many office-dwellers flaunt in proud doses of self-adulation: that of dual monitors.


Attaining dual monitor status has become the established motif of Da Shit in today’s office culture.


For the especially ignorant and stupid, it is perceived as a tool of efficiency and speed. Such people believe having two monitors with which to create spreadsheets or memos actually increases one’s ability to perform such tasks. These are pencil-pushing, number-crunching grunts, for chrissakes. Dual monitors lend nothing to most people’s efficiency other than making them spend an extra microsecond turning the cervical portion of their brainless stem instead of using fingers to [Alt+Tab] or [Ctrl+Tab] through screens or applications.


I was offered the option of dual monitors when I started my present job, I turned it down passively by refusing to answer the vague offer.


Instead, I was given a large monitor, which I prefer to having two smaller conjoined screens. I prefer to use the keyboard commands that I noted previously. My mind works better in conjunction with keyboard strokes; I see no advantage to darting my eyes over the mundane span of two screens when Alt+Tab will work just as well. Perhaps I have a better sense of mental dexterity that allows me to use my fingers more adeptly. But people (some of them) act as if a dual monitor set-up is a measure of status or something, at least in the office park.


This week I was given a project that needed to be completed by yesterday.


My dual-monitored office mate asked if I needed help, but I explained that no, I didn’t. The task was so confined and tedious that having additional people risked bogging down the project with too many cooks in the kitchen. That’s the introvert in me talking. I prefer to do shit on my own because once I begin to absorb outside interlopers into my function, everything will crumble real quick with the obligatory watered down stupidity and questions.


I explained that the task required that I switch back and forth between applications and the tediousness furthermore required that one person only work on it.


To which she gloated, “See, if you had two screens, you could finish so much faster!”


Ugh. What a moron.


I explained, probably in a not altogether well-mannered tone, that I was just fine with using my keyboard.


It’s not that I’m against them absolutely. Dual monitors do play an optimizing function for some tasks, some professions, but not for stupid office, paper-pushing jobs. This lady is slow and has the mental moves of an engorged hippo. I don’t care how many screens some people have, they still lumber through all mental tasks and nothing will cure their innate inefficiency. IE, stupidity.


I resent the false sense of clerical fecundity that so many in the office culture seem to derive from owning dual monitors.


It’s just ostentatious showmanship lacking any kind of meat or utility. Perhaps dual monitors act as a proxy for extroverted people and their sense of accomplishment. The more the better! Maybe this is why using one monitor and its keyboard to control multiple facets of the computing process appeals to the introverted person, like myself.


Besides…what if they need to shift through 3 or more applications? I hardly expect that most people have enough space on their desks for a third monitor and I don’t foresee most sardine-spaced corporations splurging for extra monitor space.