Quit smearing shit on the bicycles (LOL)

 

Despite my impatience with the majority of the smug bicycleariat, I would never do something like this.

 

NYC’s premier bike sharing operation, Citi Bike, has apparently been on the receiving end of an unwarranted smear campaign. While New York City’s casual bike-riders rested sweetly in their beds on Friday, an unnamed perpetrator walked around a Midtown Citi Bike stand and wiped feces all over everything.

 

According to a report in the New York Daily News, the shit-smearer was caught on surveillance cameras across the street at 1:25 a.m. on Friday morning. The station, on 45th Street near 8th Avenue, was targeted by the poop-smearer, who was carrying a “full bag of feces.”

 

The poop was only discovered at 8 a.m. that morning, the report says, and wasn’t cleaned off the bikes until 5 p.m. that evening, meaning some unsuspecting bike-sharer could have (and probably did) sit in poop. So who is this fucker? Is it your cousin? Tips welcome in the comments.

 

Eight hours? They spent more time cleaning those bikes than they did on the Ebola-infected Third World Condo in Dallas.

 

A bag of shit is a horrible thing to waste on you when you’re full of it already.