First-world female affliction: Mass Media-Induced Real Estate Hysteria

I like to leave my dash cam rolling while I’m parked. Sometimes I find the footage/filmed “entertainment” far more interesting than the stuff I capture during the ho-hum drive in LA’s harsh and tiresome streets.

Recently, while parked on one of the blissfully quiet and uncrowded streets in Pacific Grove (a quaint, wind-swept coastal town neighboring Monterey up north), I let the dash cam roll in my parked car while we strolled and drank coffee in the small business district.

Upon reviewing my footage, I found a brief scene which brought a familiar glimpse of an occurrence I thought only I experienced. Turns out, there is another guy out there who finds himself contending with the same dynamic which I shall call “mass media-induced real estate hysteria (MMIREH),” a condition known to primarily occur in women. Symptoms include rabid attention and fixation with all matters of single family unit domiciles in the areas of selling, buying, renovating, furnishing, etc.

The modern civilized woman loves houses. She loves everything to do with houses. The subject of houses consumes her and she will drop everything in order to sate this consumerist fixation. People blame brown minorities for the 2008 housing bubble, but the real culprits were women. Women, massive consumers of the Cult of HGTV, drew bumbling men into the economic spiderweb pit of monetary over-extension in order to calm the selfish hunger of their siren wives seeking to keep pace with the rat race to mortgage-fed debt.

Frequently, the two of us will be walking along and suddenly she will dart from me in the direction of a random bank of cased property listings seen outside most real estate offices. Time halts as do all mundane matters of life and death. She has no intention of really buying anything, especially those jewels that straddle well past the 7-digit mark. But she just needs to look and ruminate over piles of concrete/stucco/iron as if this is a modern-day crucifix of soulful redemption. Spellbound, she studies the listings wile I idle nearby. So it was with great relief and relish that I noted I am not the only guy in the world who is plagued with a wife/girlfriend battling a severe bout of MMIREH.

What is a man to do in such a situation? What is his best approach to dealing with MMIREH?

The guy in this video chose to merely continue standing in place while his afflicted female partner studied some random listings she really had no interest in, apparently. He stood in place while performing a strange stiff-legged sway. I thought it was kinda childish.

Personally, I usually accompany the female and listen to her compulsive observations regarding said property (or properties) and sometimes, I even pay attention or look at the detailed description. It’s a bonding time for us. A communion in which adulation of the untouchable is pronounced in dubious ooohs and aaaahs of envy. I can certainly think of worse fates. This dude should just learn to love the bomb and stand by his girl’s side despite the implicit boredom which square footage and bathroom counts may incite.

Sure beats that weird stilt walk he deferred to petulantly.