Yo dawg, light’s red! Situational mental retardation of pet owners.

I whipped up this cute little video, courtesy of my dash cam, of course, because I notice that life often imitates art…in my life. Of course, calling this thing, this Social Extinction, “art,” is mighty presumptuous, but whatever, go with it, for the purposes of this post.

Yes, life imitates art, and my art is this 40-second video I made which took place in the armpit of the American West, Hollywood. A young gentleman apparently experienced several seconds of cognitive vacuum and nearly ran across the street in front of me with his leashed dog just as the light turned red for him and green for me. Luckily I’m not (or no longer) the hot rodding type. I never air out my engine from a stop anymore. Neither did the car next to me. The guy’s dog, and even the guy himself, might have been toast if either of us floored it. Alas, he recovered his senses just in time and pulled the dog and himself back to the sidewalk’s safety. He smiled sheepishly. Whatever I smirked. Dawg, the light was red! And thus, the title of my video was born.

OK, that was the art.

Now the life.

I’ve come to the conclusion that humans, when in proximity to their pet dogs, suffer a serious and catastrophic reduction in intelligence. I have no idea why this happens, but as you can see in the video above, the dog walker, for some baffling reason, decided to cross the street just as the light turned red. It’s as if the proximity of his canine friend caused cerebral wires to cross up and short circuit, and for a moment red became green and green, red. I’ve read that dogs are color blind. Perhaps this is it.

But how do you explain this 75-year-old man who was killed by an Amtrak train after darting in front of it because his canine ran off after being spooked by the train’s whistle after the conductor sounded it in response to the duo’s presence near the tracks.

A 75-year-old man trying to protect his dog was hit and killed by a train in Del Mar, the San Diego County Sheriff’s Department said.

The man was walking his dog without a leash Friday afternoon near the railroad tracks beside the 11th Street bluff.

The train engineer, seeing the man and dog, sounded the train’s horn to give warning, the Sheriff’s Department said.

The dog became startled and ran toward the tracks. The owner chased the dog and was struck by the train. He was declared dead at the scene.

The dog, a Labrador retriever, was not injured. It was found by a sheriff’s deputy and returned to the man’s family.

What possesses a man to run into a train’s path? Honestly, this was a reflex, a protective one, so I won’t necessarily consider this a case of dumbing down of a dog owner. Rather, I’d like to ask, I’d really like to know, what possesses a man to take his dog walking along a railroad track without a leash?

This is the stupidity I’m talking about. People defend the man because he wanted to save his dog. It was an honorable death, they praise! Fuck that shit. I call it stupid. If he’d had the dog on a leash to begin with, none of this would have happened. Dogs belong on leashes, case closed. Especially in such a no-brainer situation as being within an arm’s throw of train tracks. I never realized common sense was in such short supply, but with dog owners, apparently it is.

At least I’ll give the Hollywood guy this much: he had his dog leashed even though it turns out he was the dumb one here by running into the street. The dog knew no better. It just followed its situationally mentally retarded owner.