I had planned to pen something else tonight, something about the bus, one of my favorite subjects.
Many of the comments on this post hit a personal nerve. They embody the collective voice of a generation of disaffected, abandoned men who find it difficult to pave a path in today’s youth-oriented and feminized culture. Scott’s comment was simple but heartfelt and elicited a dose of personal identification.
I just turned 45. Never married, but still want to be. Love my friends’ kids like they were my own. My friends who are all in their 30′s. We used to do everything together – snowboard, try new restaurants, hike, road trips. But now they have families. Families that I love, but that aren’t mine. I’m normally okay with being alone, but sometimes imagine that someone is sitting by me on the couch watching my shows with me… I work hard and have some money and a house. Just lonely sometimes. Just wanted to share that. Thanks…
to which I responded,
I can’t imagine that life. My heart goes out to you. This is not a time to lay blame or cast aspersions. The bottom line is you are probably pretty despondent. One of the tenets of modern MRA thinking is that the feminized world is terribly inhospitable to good, solid, but alienating men.
Personally, I’m a very alienating guy. I have nothing in common without 91% of the population. I think differently, act differently…but ultimately, I’ve never had many fucks to give so I got laid. I see a lot of guys in my shoes who never learned not to give a fuck, so they are tied up in their emotional lethargy.
The comments over the almost 3 years since this was published have illustrated that there are a lot of middle-aged men living lives of quiet desperation, enfolded in their inadvertent solitude. Each aging day drops them back further and further into the quagmire that is the mating dance, circa 2013. There are a lot of men my age who have never consummated a union with a woman in a respectable and socially-accepted manner in their entire life.
The shocking thing is that they do not seem that different from me. Not at all. In fact, the similarities I share with a lot of these guys is astounding. Our common emotional drawbacks and social blockades are especially conspicuous. Yet, despite it all, I was able to meet women and get laid numerous times, way more times than someone of my flea-market mating caliber should have known in his life. I hooked up with all manner of women throughout my early life. I was not a great looking guy, but neither was I horrific to look at. I was, and still am, very short, but for many women, this is not a deal-breaker if you’re willing to play the game, and play it wisely.
Obviously, if I was better looking and taller, I could easily have had sex with about 10 times the number of women I did, but still, I had no problem with girls. Not like a lot of these 40-year-old virgin types experience. What was my secret? As I told Scott, my most valuable asset has always been that I simply have never, ever, given a flying fuck about anything. This nihilistic disregard for the mannered orderliness of society has both rewarded and maimed me. But the common denominator I see across all bumbling, virgin male populations is that they care too damned much. They cling to their desperation like a sword they refuse to fall on because the perfect day may just pop up. One of these days. And if they play it safe, they will be around… These guys never let loose, and the longer they go without experiencing a normal relationship with a female, the weirder and more desperately spastic they become until this becomes part of their character. They begin to wear it like a loud, ill-fitting shirt.
Females are generally so disordered that if you usurp the strategy of disorder for your own aims, you can have your way with a lot of them. More than you would sitting at home playing it safe, afraid to blow up your life in the most inopportune and illogical manners.
As a social misfit, as an alienated nerd most women won’t look at, my sagest advice to guys like me is to throw in the towel of inhibition and allegiance to reputation. Embrace entropy, especially that of the female type, and you will find your life changed.
There comes a point where you say “fuck it” and throw caution to the wind, but most of these guys are in love with caution because she is the solace and warm bosom their mothers represented in their frightened boyhood. Caution is the new mother.
If we can get a new generation of meek men to rise and eschew the illogical cares of feminized Behave-This-Way-Not-That-Way society, we finally might right this sinking ship.