Cunt blowback smells like onion

 

It could very well be wishful thinking on my part, but I don’t believe The Onion really apologized, nor has any intention of “tightening” its publishing standards so as to avoid insulting 9-year-old black cunts in the future. However, Taki’s magazine doesn’t seem to share my demented optimism.

 

Christian Bonk, writing of The Onion’s Twitter fiasco on Oscar night (the online humor mag mockingly tweeted, “Everyone else seems afraid to say it, but that Quevenzhané Wallis is kind of a cunt, right?” in reference to the young actress who received a nomination for her lead role in Beasts of the Southern Wild), praises the ironclad defiance and bold trailblazing manner of The Onion but frets over the unusual apology issued by its CEO, Steve Hannah, yesterday in reaction to the self-righteous uproar the Tweet caused.

 

Bonk wonders if this is an omen that The Onion is losing its edge and caving in to the thundering hordes of ill-humored PC mongrels who dictate the limits of pop culture and satire. Bonk brings up some valid concerns, but I reread Hannah’s apology and something about it strikes me as…satirical. I really believe we are seeing an apology cloaked in a satirical capsule, a self-looping comic chain. Comedy’s version of a snake eating itself.

 

Steve Hannah’s official apology:

 

Dear Readers,
On behalf of The Onion, I offer my personal apology to Quvenzhané Wallis and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for the tweet that was circulated last night during the Oscars. It was crude and offensive—not to mention inconsistent with The Onion’s commitment to parody and satire, however biting.
No person should be subjected to such a senseless, humorless comment masquerading as satire.
The tweet was taken down within an hour of publication. We have instituted new and tighter Twitter procedures to ensure that this kind of mistake does not occur again.
In addition, we are taking immediate steps to discipline those individuals responsible. Miss Wallis, you are young and talented and deserve better. All of us at The Onion are deeply sorry.
Sincerely, Steve Hannah CEO The Onion

 

A couple of items stood out for me, but first I’d like to point out that the Tweet was satire of celebrity gossips who take advantage of instant social media to talk complete catty shit about stars. The Onion Tweet was the satire of this practice of celebrity gossips, and furthermore, launched it into the Satire Stratosphere by directing the observation at a hapless nine-year-old actress. If the Tweet had been about Jennifer Lawrence, I doubt the uproar would have been anywhere near approaching this level, nor would the satire have been complete nor apparent.

 

With this established, the apology’s meta-layer is what we all know. The ludicrous and cringe-worthy allegation has been made that Quevenzhané Wallis is a cunt, and each word that drops out of the apology pot by this point merely fuels the satirical sentiment which should have been forgotten by now. Hannah’s faux apology is legitimizing the Tweet owing entirely to the sensitive uproar of people who felt it was improper and rude.

 

It was crude and offensive—not to mention inconsistent with The Onion’s commitment to parody and satire, however biting.

 

Hmm, whenever I hear the term “biting” applied to something, it seems the inference is that it is true! It is biting because it is honest and bravely notes what most don’t say.

 

No person should be subjected to such a senseless, humorless comment masquerading as satire.
Haha, nothing “masquerades as satire” by its very definition. In fact, the definition of “satire” is that it in fact masquerades as reality. If something is masquerading as satire, that in fact this means the statement is reality.

 

The tweet was taken down within an hour of publication. We have instituted new and tighter Twitter procedures to ensure that this kind of mistake does not occur again.
In addition, we are taking immediate steps to discipline those individuals responsible. Miss Wallis, you are young and talented and deserve better. All of us at The Onion are deeply sorry.

 

Which means exactly what? How do you punish or prevent someone from calling a nine-year old girl a cunt? The hypothetical image of an office clamoring and struggling to calm the “cunt blowback” is humorous in itself. Good one, Steve. You better “discipline” those “responsible” because there is a little girl here who deserves better. Than what, nobody knows…