I have a slight problem. I have a harmless little guilty secret.
It’s not a problem, per se, because no one gets hurt because of my fixation, including myself, but still, many people do in fact get hurt and even killed and become my entertainment subsequently. My pleasure does not invoke harm, but rather, feeds off misery and death. I am obsessed with gore photos and videos.
Gore. I’ve always been fascinated by scenes of death and mayhem. Back before there was an “internet,” I would get my fix by watching Faces of Death on VHS. That was the first time I had seen such images and I was captivated. I felt guilty but I couldn’t not watch. I wanted more, more. Then they began releasing multiple Faces of Death, some lame, but still, all showing at least several scenes of disease, mutilation, death, blood, bodily organs. Sinister crap that no one in their sane mind watches.
I was not then, and am not now, sane. I love this stuff. I’m drawn to gore. Once the internet came into my room, it promised a wider array of online gore. There were a couple of sites I surfed for my gore fix: Orgrish and Rotten. Back then they published mostly jpeg’s of gruesome still scenes of post-accident desolation or human murder or suicide victims. It was basic stuff. Now there is video gore everywhere. Everyone is now equipped with a video recording mechanism in their purse or pocket, and if there are no people around, video records are constantly rolling thanks to our Big Brother masters who oversee that laws are obeyed at all times. The Truman Show predicted that we would be on the air, 24/7. There is hardly a moment when there is no video record being made. And because of this, many instances of death and destruction are caught on video. The avid follower can find all kind of gore footage if so inclined. There are videos of hunting accidents, car accidents, accident aftermaths, murders, murder scenes, disease-ridden victims, random instances of sadism and sexual perversion so sick that it’s hard to watch. Gore is filthy life. It is the antithesis to living, but it draws many people, like me.
The old saying, “It’s like a train wreck. You can’t stop looking.” was written about people like me. I feel abnormal. Not mentally well. This can’t be natural. I think most people, normal people, when presented with gory images. will look out of curiosity but will be sufficiently repulsed so as not to revisit such things. The point at which me and my ilk are separated from normality is when we actively look for gore shots. We want more, more, more…it’s like a drug, an addiction. Scenes of entanglement and dismemberment and blood are cathartic. They evoke a chemical reaction that is both pleasing and abhorrent. This is how normal guys relate to porn. I hate porn, it bores me. Gore is exciting.
I realize the mental pathology. This gore fixation is symptomatic of underlying issues, I just don’t know what they are. I am not a madman, I am not a serial killer, I’m not into BSDM or any of its derivations. I don’t have tattoos or piercings. I don’t live a dangerous life. But I can’t stop watching photos of people being stabbed, beheaded, squashed, smashed, sliced…it’s a hunger. Nowadays there is so much gore available that it’s hard to not find it. I personally like Reddit because that is my one-stop gore shopping mall. Redditors conglomerate all the current viral gore into this subreddit. It’s a great cross-section. There is darker, more sinister gore once you bravely descend into the “deep web” but I ain’t that hardcore. I just like my occasional footage of Asian car wrecks or Indian shitfests. Nothing too crazy.
One of the viral videos that made a splash recently was the footage taken in the moments after a bus hauling employees collided with a tractor rig carrying a steel beam on a narrow Brazilian road. Fifteen people were killed and all of them in seemingly the most gruesome manner imaginable. Someone with a camera who appears to have the same gore fixation as me paraded up and down the long accident scene recording the scattered remains and morsels of human flesh and fading life that remained in the wake of the disastrous accident. This is easily one of the most gory real life videos I’ve ever seen. This outpaces footage from any of the the Final Destination movies, which is quite the gore franchise in itself, although the knowledge that those are only special effects makes them less appealing. Real life is where it’s at.
The essence of gore imagery is the hideous knowledge that they really happened. None of this was staged and there are no special effects. I won’t give the link to the Brazilian traffic accident. Suffice to say, the truly motivated internet denizen worth his weight is fully capable of finding the video. This stuff is NSFW, and furthermore, NSFL (life).
I grabbed a screenshot from the video footage and strategically blurred the key parts of the image because I realize not everyone shares my intrigue.
I can’t understand how not!