Lesbians with dragon tattoos

If pop culture is a perishable item, it would be safe to say I live in a stale, putrid existence of irrelevant and aged movies, shows, characters, songs… I usually ride in on the tail-end of whatever the wave of the future (last month’s) was sternly announced with authority. I don’t care what is going on in the world of popular culture nor what people are enjoying in their swarthy packs of dumbfounded amazement. There’s been talk lately of David Fincher’s new rendition of a 2-year-old movie, “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.” I know so little of this franchise. I thought this was a sequel, but apparently it’s a remake. I find it odd that directors now remake movies that are virtually new themselves. The “new media” appears to have compressed time severely. I had no idea what “The Girl…” was about but they’ve been showing the 2009 Swedish-made movie on Netflix, so last night I sat in front of the television in order to acquaint myself with the brand before I (most likely) go see what David Fincher’s take is. David Fincher, of “Se7en”, “Fight Club” and “The Game” notoriety. I would follow him into this movie rather than the movie itself. Still, I thought I should find out what this Dragon thing is all about.

The movie is interesting and sufficiently entertaining. I don’t really want to talk about the movie that much. Suffice to say, the “girl” is Lisbeth Salander, an ingenious computer hacker, who through a series of unfortunate circumstances, is left without custodial parents. She is now in custody of the state (Sweden). A previous legal guardian has died prior to the start of the movie and she finds herself involuntarily remanded to the care of Nils Bjurman, a tyrannical and misogynistic sadist whose motives become apparent the first time Lisbeth asks him for money from her account (which he is in charge of as her adult custodian). A couple of tit-for-tat scenes unravel. He sexually brutalizes Lisbeth. He anally rapes her in a torturous scene. We watch as she hobbles back to her apartment. Once back, she retrieves a camera and begins playing back some of the rape. She secretly recorded it with the camera which was hidden in her bag. On her next visit, she catches Nils off-guard and subdues him and returns the anal favor in a most excruciating manner. The girl with the dragon tattoo reclaims her honor and revenge on the behalf of her portion of the human population that has ever been wronged and dehumanized by the brutality of masculinity. You go girl!

As I said, the movie is entertaining and though it rehashes the old serial killer theme (perfect for Fincher), it does so in a retroactively deduced detective manner by fine tuning and modernizing old footage and using old fashioned leg work to dig through reams of paper archives in order to exhume old records which eventually come together and point to the killer. I’ll see Fincher’s version, but it is clear what it’s all about.

It’s about girl power, it’s about a femininely aggressive destruction and subversion of the male matrix. A woman using her brains and illicit toughness to overcome male oppression. The girl with the dragon tattoo is a feminist and a lesbian, but she will have sex with anything that walks, apparently. She has short hair, a slender boyish body, and sleeps with women as well. And she kicks man ass. What modern woman wouldn’t love this? This stuff is lesbian crack.

Reminds me that a couple of months ago, a Facebook friend posted something about the movie or book with the obsequious Facebookian “Like” honor flagged. Now I see why. This lady is straight, as far as I know. But she is a lesbian groupie. She has lesbian friends, hails lesbian causes, and it all naturally coincides with the whole breast cancer awareness syndicate.

Lesbians and breast cancer awareness revolve around each other. Toss in a movie about a kick-ass lesbian who can hack into almost any computer on the corrupt male global network and you have yourself the holy triumvirate of Butch Pride. Girl power, take it away.

If you find a kick-ass, no nonsense woman gracing the pages of any pop cultural outlet, you’re sure to find attendant waves of rogue feminists flocking to live out their repressed fantasies behind the fictional character as if she were the next coming of the WNBA Goddess. I like gay dudes, they are generally good guys, funny, a little fake, but whatever. But lesbian women are scary. They harbor many sly and evil intentions. I’ve yet to meet a lesbian who makes me feel at peace. Why damnit!?