Americans trade in their joules for jowls. Healthy body weight as social madness.

I don’t think I’m remiss in advising all American households to keep one of these in the kitchen.


American households. All of them. Michelle Obama wants to legislate all other dietary requirements…why not this?

Everyone should keep one of these. We should be required to weigh everything we eat, even if we don’t care how much it is.

We should just be mindful of how my joules of potential energy we’re shoveling into our hideous mouths.

There is an element of obsessive nerdiness in tracking your daily food intake. They call it “calorie counting,” but this sounds compulsive.

Being painstaking about how much food you eat is not compulsive, but it is a very tedious, involved practice of precision, and that immediately alienates most people.

Which is why Americans trade in joules for jowls.

The only path to Thin is that one of devout commitment to self-awareness of food consumption, even to the most minute level of grams and ounces. Personally, I find great joy in weighing a pork loin chop and discovering it is 5.9 ounces which then allows me to calculate a more precise measurement of caloric intake, which, carefully monitored as part of a habitual routine, keeps one in check. I’ve reached a point where I can, with reliable authenticity, estimate the caloric intake for most of my meals. I rarely allow myself to be cornered into a meal I have no anticipation of. Americans must own their diet, as well. None of this spontaneous diversion into ice cream and thick-crusted pie. We must plan our meals a week ahead, or at the very least, allow space for that unrehearsed meal. There is something Aspie about this, but one cannot be thin and normal in modern society.

Americans are out of check, out of bounds, and they relish their freedom to do what they want…including blind gluttony.

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