Men with square jaws

Do not be alarmed! Tonight, on the bus (where else), I saw a man getting into a car at a gas station as it flew by. The dude was very good-looking and super masculine. Uber masculine! Do you ever see those guys? They are genetically blessed in extreme measures of testosteronization. They are Man beyond anything you can envision in your own or your girlfriend’s wildest dreams. These guys are born men. Fate smiled upon their star. They are usually the maximal height, like 6’1″ or some crap like that. But beyond simple height, they have broad square shoulders without ever lifting an iron plate in their life. Their skeletal structure rises upwards in a masculine and formidable ascension, and regardless of what they are doing, there is so slouch or resignation etched anywhere in their frame. Nowhere in their posture is there a trace to be seen of submission or bewilderment. Even on a bad day these types of guys stand arrow straight. And that face. Such a masculine, powerful face. A chiseled jawline, sturdy, serious square forehead and large unwavering eyes sheltered by a pair of clear, brisk eyebrows. There is a “no-nonsense” aura which a handsome man’s face exudes. I’m not talking about this boyish, cutesy good-looking garbage. Those are not men — they are girls in boy’s bodies. I’m talking Tom Selleck. You know, strong, manly men of hardy and unyielding constitution, beastly shoulders and jawlines molded from stone. These are the guys I was reminded of when I saw the man getting in his car tonight. It was a plain old Honda Accord but he had that Man aura. He didn’t have to talk or leap buildings. He just had to be. He could easily get most chicks if he wanted. He had that masculine thing I’ve never known.

It’s a grueling lesson we must confront.
A shattering of externally imposed dreams and fantasies.
Mom lied!
We do not possess that ideal physical archetype we adulate.

I am short, my shoulders suck, the only thing chiseled on my face are my acne scars. I am proud of my arms. They are the one aspect of my physique that responds well to weights. About the only part. My face, unsquare, lacks handsome right angles, but instead coalesces into meek curves of a Beta waterboy.

I’ve always wanted to be imposing and striking, but it can’t be. I’m diminutive and oval. I find that I idealize certain male body types which borders on the disconcerting. Male ideal in an aesthetic manner only. Still, the unflattering taste of homo remains when I confront such male adulation. I think this is what they mean by bro crush.

It’s slightly unfair, but dramatically unimportant, that men cannot call their buddies “boyfriends” or wear skirts, the same kind of cross-gender stuff women are permitted to do all the time. Not that I want to refer to my wingmen as “boyfriends” or wear a smart skirt to the movies, but the point rests. Men are expected to rigidly confine to an equally rigid sexually constructed sphere. There is no gender flexibility for men. Women, on the other hand, can wear pants and boots and not draw a raised eyebrow. Women can kiss women on stage and be obliquely admired or praised for it.

See, my earlier self-directed laments concerning my physical shortcomings are in fact very feminine in nature. Men don’t belabor this shit. Men are expected to be either, 1) oblivious, or, 2) gay.

Why can I not reasonably express my physical insecurities or unmanly hesitations without being simultaneously perceived as a homo? There are plenty of men who are resolutely confident in their masculinity who don’t mind expressing such idle thoughts, but the predominant perception is that men who indulge in such vulnerable associations are less than men, at least speaking for this section of the blogosphere. Conversely, the men who publicly humor such expressions of bitch-influenced thought are abhorrent herbs who argue that gender is a social construct. You know, the skinny hipster type with skinny jeans and flip flops. These guys need to get their asses kicked because they spoil it for the men who venture out on the limb of their feminine side. Those herbs have crafted a whole subculture of anti-man; any man who attempts to question his own manly motivations is immediately cast into the herbal pool of doubt.

I insist…a man can be strong but still unsure. In fact, I would argue the candidly unsure man is probably the strongest man for he has the power to express what he knows can easily be construed as weakness but he does not care because he knows there is a strength lurking in his bones that will not be quelled.

  • Amy

    I confess, I have an idealized female body type as well. Attractively fleshy all over–plump arms, curvy legs, spectacularly shapely & generously proportioned ass. No rolls of flab or anything, she still has to have a defined waist, but still nicely thick. The predominant culture seems to look at a woman like that and say “Moo!”–but to me, that’s the ideal female body type.

    The actress who played Anck-su-namun in the newer _The Mummy_ and _The Mummy Returns_, Patricia Velasquez–she looked fantastic in the first movie. I was so disappointed that she slimmed down for the sequel!

    • David

      There is a point when a woman becomes too skinny and she resembles a pre-adolescent boy with makeup. That is not hot at all. Today I was looking back at a post from April, 2010, and I found this French actress who turns me on so much, I can’t even describe.

      • Amy

        Eeek, I’m not that thin. I see really skinny women on TV and yell “Geez, have a sandwich, Slappy!” at the screen. Can’t see myself yelling that at a live woman, even with a few drinks in me–though I would think it.

        The French chick’s eyes look like Rather’s! They both strike me as up to something, too…. ;)

        • David

          Ha! Interesting observation I never thought of.

          I saw her in a creepy flick called “Inside.” She has a gap in her teeth that I find very sensual.

  • David

    I’ve always wanted to taste those upper leaves.
    I think if I had a long neck I might be a different person.

    • Amy

      I’m not tall. (5’5″) But I’m proportioned like a gangly tall person. I’m like a midget giraffe.

      • David

        What is it about baby giraffes and miniature Dobies that is so cute? Do you find that you duck in doorways even though you’re nowhere near the door beams??

        It’s like we’re thumbing our nose at mother nature!

        • Amy

          No ducking in doorways or otherwise thinking I’m tall. I was the shortest one in my immediate family.

          The kiddo is on track to be taller than I am before his voice changes. Either he got the big Irish genes from his father or my latent Viking genes skipped a generation.

          Yep, miniature breeds are adorable…except for the little mutant dogs. Whoof!

          • David

            I hate Chihuahua’s, those dogs have the worst Napoleonic chips on their little haunches.

          • Amy

            All the chihuahuas I ever met (not a lot; maybe three) up close & personal were sort of sweet in spite of their ugly trembling yip-yip-yip-ness. Little dogs (also beagles, terriers) usually size me up as a big softy and start sucking up for scritches and trying to climb on me.

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  • Amy

    A square jaw at 20 can easily become a double chin before 30. A serious square forehead can conceal a foolish and feeble brain. A booming baritone will waffle in the face of public opinion and political correctness as readily as a tenor.

    Anyway, in purely aesthetic terms, I think you’re overrating square jaws. Oval faces can be as masculine and attractive as the more angular ones. Keanu Reeves, Al Pacino, Paul Newman, Javier Bardem?

    If you had a pencil neck or a weak chin that would be unfortunate, looks-wise, but that ain’t the case. You look just fine to me. ;)

    • David

      I seem fixated on that, aren’t I?
      Why is this?
      What is it about square-jaws that I adulate? It’s kinda sick and creepy.

      Perhaps it’s owing to disgust with my own roundish jaw, although my face is suitably oval. It only gets round after several weeks of intense eating and drinking.

      I don’t have a pencil neck because I don’t have a neck.

      • Amy

        Meh, necks are overrated. I’ve got a neck like a giraffe–& do that thing where I tilt my head to either side and crack my neck probably a dozen times a day. If not for all the yoga my spindly body would have tied itself into a knot by now.

  • sono

    Manhood is not about physical attributies. The shallowness of all dominating ,american pseudo-culture promoting “real” men as muscular monsters with square jaws and other visual “menly” crap seems to find its place in males and females psyche. Manhood is about being responsible, about caring for those who require this care, being honorable, being courageous. Manhood is about being a warrior, but warrior for a good, noble cause. Now, we have mostly sissies,effeminate, cheap and rapid pleasure seeking version of males, full of muscles pumped at the local gyms, who think that impressing and getting a lot of chicks is the main sign of their manhood.

    • David

      Don’t forget lots of hair product and a tan are necessities for the uber-2011 Man.

  • namae nanka

    “There is no gender flexibility for men. ”

    “Women can kiss women on stage and be obliquely admired or praised for it.”

    It’s like praising a retarded 5-year old’s ‘painting’.

    “into meek curves of a Beta waterboy”

    well, cute guys are good-looking too, no homo.

    • David

      Yeah, I never claimed to be a the ultimate spokesman on male attractiveness. Men and women just don’t get it when it comes to the other gender. We don’t truly understand what you guys find hot. We tend to equate our own self-idealized image with what is sexy to you and thus impose that standard on the opposite gender, when in fact, it might have nothing at all to do with what is actually found sexy.

      I would rather look like and carry myself like Bruce Willis than Leonardo DiCaprio. Women don’t internalize men’s looks like that. Hence, I’m a poor judge of male attractiveness, and similarly, women don’t know jack about what’s hot either.