This is a post I was on the verge of beginning with
Guys, you don’t know what you want
but after some thought, it dawned on me this is not quite right.
Guys, you know what you want, but the problem is your wants are incompatible with many of the heroic feminine traits you praise in concept.
I’ve lurked in this blogosector long enough to learn what these gloriously putative womanly traits consist of just as I’ve also learned many of the signature faults which make up the laundry list of anti-heroic feminine traits. I sit here wading through both lists consisting of openly proclaimed and subtly hinted feminine characteristics that men and the misogynists among them cite as the holy grail of the female package and also, the epitome of femininity gone wrong. I concur with the majority of the items on both lists. I easily identify with what men say they seek and what they avoid like the plague. The problem is that in spite of all their lip service, men don’t normally avoid anything when the promise of pussy is indisputably at hand. Quite amazing the ease with which male principles are quietly stuffed when such situations arise!
I’d like to summarize the model female I suspect most men would agree is the ideal companion/mate.
She is generally accepting of her primal role within the male/female dynamic. She not only accepts the role, she welcomes it as an intrinsic natural instinct which is best expressed fully and not to be fought or wrestled with. She may find strength and a sense of instinctual purity within the confines of such genetically ordained gender roles. She is committed to her man’s welfare and best interests. She does not seek to undermine or subvert his influence in such a complementary relationship by allowing her flippant female proclivities to run unrestrained on a path of interpersonal destruction. She has a firm grasp of her ego. She is steady and intelligent and stoically masters her duties to uphold the relationship and its cohesiveness. To enumerate using modern examples, she knows her way around the kitchen, she does not avoid cleaning (ie, she is not averse to scrubbing down the bathroom, cleaning the fridge, vacuuming the carpet). She smartly and practically prioritizes the material and monetary needs of the household. Though she is a woman and innately admires glittery adornments, she refrains from surrendering her good sense to peer-pressured fashion and cosmetic whims. She takes pride in her appearance but does not allow this pride to degenerate into a consuming fixation which impinges on her ability to attend to practical concerns. She has common sense about her and will not play anyone’s fool. She possesses that unique female strength expressed in hardiness of spirit and emotions, and allows it to augment the man’s masculine stability in order to create an overall sense of strength in the union of these two people.
This iconic description of the “dream woman” is wonderfully nod-inducing. There’s a problem, however. Men accept it devoutly and even foolishly internalize the characterization as a righteous demand, an expected privilege that reeks of moral laziness because I believe many men, especially the younger ones, are not sincerely committed or willing to sacrifice their ego embellishments which make the attainment of such a woman unlikely.
For what I’ve described, this glaringly unrealistic image of womanly perfection, leaves out a crucial element. I’ve neglected the physical. Undoubtedly, most men are likely to insert a physical element into this mixture and in doing so, minimize the likelihood of such a confluence of female traits. Can they be blamed? I was their age once, I was a man who maneuvered the minefields of raging testosterone and an excessively idealized self-image which was reflected back on the rest of the human race. I knew what I wanted and needed while failing to heed the reality…that my lofty desire was nowhere close to meeting its adjunct partner in any of the offerings reality might offer.
We men are fond of sanctifying the the gilded image of feminine perfection while failing to live out our own sense of perfection. I see way too many men in this community who are ragingly superficial while acting the part of mindless clowns, which is fine because this gig will work and it will get some guys laid. The problem as I see it is that their own personal offerings do not invoke the quality of female perfection they act entitled to. The woman they desire and not-so-discreetly reward is the flashy temptress who willingly immerses herself in the same social outlets the men do and which affords both the ability to meet on mutually artificial terms. Men seek the brainless, whored out image they have learned from television and the rest of pop culture. Men, playing the feminine role of pretentious attention whore only serve to encourage and proliferate the same behavior in women who are their natural mating demographic.
The dating scene amongst the majority of 20-somethings (extending into their early 30s, as well) seems one that is etched with subdued superficiality and half-hearted standards when in fact the overriding impulse is one of purely physical and visceral pleasure. My memory reminds me that the woman I intellectually knew was an ideal candidate for emotional perfection/maturity in my 20’s was usually not the woman I would be willing to relinquish my youthful vigor for. Cynically stated, the idealized woman I described usually won’t meet the stringent entertainment and physical requirements that a frolicking man seeks at that time in his life. A woman with a good mind and a good heart is hard to unearth amongst the swarms of hair-teased, stiletto-heeled quasi tramps shaking their ass out on the dance floor.
Man, when he is ready to grow up and leave the superficial enticements of the modern whore behind, must embrace the Plain Jane.
The Plain Jane is certainly not the glamorous female prototype we’ve been culturally indoctrinated to adore, is she? The Plain Jane is certainly not what you gel up your hair or don expensive jeans for, is she? You don’t order $12 martini’s in order to share precious dance floor space with Plain Janes (actually, no Plain Jane would be caught dead in a dance club) and you don’t work on that perfect douchie tan or pump iron for the Plain Jane, do you?
You know why I say this, guys…because everything you do is with the intention of securing feminine interest and rapt horniness. Thus committed, you reap what you sow. You play the plastic whore exquisitely; and that is what you will get in return. You are being as morally lazy and intellectually vapid as the flashy slut you want to Game right into the sack. Not until you are able to find satisfaction in self-improvement solely for the sake of self-improvement and thus derive personal benefits apart from the ego-driven consuming appetite to surround yourself with the flashiest female artifice, will you finally accept the measure of feminine qualities you romanticize.
You must embrace the Plain Jane and realize that she alone can provide qualities you prize. The Plain Jane lacks the ostentatious displays of vulgarity and self-obsessed fixations which requires doting on the part of equally self-obsessed men. The Plain Jane is content with her supporting role in the mating dance. The Plain Jane does not ask for more than she is capable of and she is at peace with the natural simplicity of life’s astute demands.
The Plain Jane’s offerings are widely hidden and disguised behind the flashy vagaries of modern society which dominate cultural discourse.
Which is a problem, for the young vibrant man is of an equally sensory nature and has been similarly inculcated with the indifference and lack of desire for that which does not assault his senses. Such a man is easily bored and spiritually unmotivated. He is flabbergasted by the self-conscious glitter of female materialism and, in turn, he nurtures the sick dynamic with his own dose of pretension and boisterously overwrought displays of so-called masculinity.
The Plain Jane is not ugly nor is she boring.
The Plain Jane is simple and unadorned.
The Plain Jane does not feel the urge to assault sensibilities for she is confident in her ability to secure her engaging personality traits only for the people closest to her. The world is not the Plain Jane’s stage.
In this culture of flash and circumstance, the Plain Jane is routinely invisible.
The artifice men and women display within the similarly artificial environment they construct with their behaviors and demands creates a cosmetic facade which eschews selflessness and concentration; which saps sincere humanity of honor and creates a bubble of superficiality, a grand stage on which the plastic pawns of humanity act out their one-dimensional roles. The Plain Jane is desecrated. She must lurk behind the curtains offstage for no one has written a role for her in this production.
Most likely, the Plain Jane will never be summoned to the stage until man matures and realizes artificiality is boring and unsustainable. Unfortunately the majority of men do not mature and remain trapped within the needy strictures of the plastic culture; he is imprisoned the moment he buys his way into the female-induced materialistic paradigm through the cultural gifts of personal and financial debt. All must maintain the public facade of community consumerism in order to play the game.
A man’s blind allegiance to our plastic culture, while dictating his taste in material items, also dictates his tastes in women. In such a state of single-minded avarice, a woman’s value equals, at best, that of an inanimate object, and all its attendant falsity. In a woman he seeks no more than he seeks in a car; physical appearance and peer appeasement and technical performance (or potential performance). Reliability and the utility of the automobile are not the primary concerns to him; instead he surrenders practicality and realism to the human desire to add another brick to the temple of artifice. Seeking and valuing such inanimate qualities in a woman will merely result in providing her further impetus to fulfill such requirements for the nature of woman is pliability and conformity to the male archetype.
The Plain Jane remains unseen, unknown, and thus lacking the means to invest in a man’s sense of egotistical worth, will remain so.
Man must choose that which pleases his soul, not his ego.
His recognition of the difference between the two requires intensive self-directed honesty and tranquility of spirit which he appears destined to overlook in this distracting world. The Plain Jane offers the renowned pleasures of mystery and surprise. A beckoning answer waiting to spring from the unknown. The Plain Jane signifies that which we cannot know and which must be excavated from the soul we buried long ago in the graveyard of human trivialities.
The Plain Jane is the antithesis to our know-it-all mentality.