Riding the Beast’s ass and my special Adopt-a-Blog Pet

I have a question for the ages.
A baffling, timeless puzzle.
About Phoenixism.
What the hell is the categorical difference between Pointless Ruminations and Dialogues? Huh?

Hmm.
Hmmm.

There is a fine difference. I suppose many posts might fall into either category. Many times the deciding factor depends entirely on how I feel at the time I happily click the publish button.
It’s a function of mood, the mood of the moment.

Dialogues is a more serious and thoughtful Pointless Ruminations.
Essentially, Dialogues takes itself more seriously while Pointless Ruminations just doesn’t give a flying fuck.

That is the difference.
This morning I had an idea, a thoughtful and serious (as you’ll find around here) concept for a post tonight. Kinda hammered it out in my head all day.

Once I jumped on the Hollywood Freeway after work tonight, something happened, and then another thought exploded onto my mental stage and there was no doubt now that my early morning serious thought had given way to some light-hearted crap.

That’s the way my mind works.

This blog thing man, it’s gotta be fueled by instinct and spontaneity.
I’m not saving mankind here. I’m not curing cancer and I’m not unfolding Dark Matter.
I’m basically maintaining a blog that is an extension of my persona, for better or for worse.

So it became a pointless rumination tonight.
Nothing serious here tonight.
Sometimes I don’t have the heart or will to stick to a script, but my mind is still bursting with energy. That’s how these 2 categories were born. If I’m in a comic mood, it becomes a Pointless Rumination.

Heading out of work can put anyone in a good mood, and that’s how it worked for me tonight.
I drove by the strange homeless man on Sunset who was shouting at the world, one of those homeless people who have so much caked dirt and filth that you can’t even tell which race they are. It’s horrible because you want to laugh (or at least I do) but you know it’s not exactly Heavenly endearing, if that’s your thing.

And just as soon as I merged onto the Hollywood Freeway, there it was.

A giant brown creature strapped into the long trailer bed towed by a pick-up. A big brown beast fastened by cables. It looked alive and real and stuck out in traffic like a…big brown beast. It was Godzilla-like. It stood tall, above the rest of the traffic. Looking like it might decapitate itself on the overpasses. I thought of the caravan which brought King Kong to New York City. That’s right.

I merged in front of the Beastmobile and when I had a chance, moved one more lane to the left and that’s when it passed. And I got a glimpse.

Out came my camera, captured that shit as it passed me and as it changed lanes in front of me. Another round of filming. And I discovered it’s not easy to drive in stop and go traffic while taping anything. I need a “Cops” style photographer riding shotgun if I intend to make that work.

This is a very brief (and I mean brief) video of the Beast’s march through Hollywood. I don’t think the full comedic essence of this thing’s progress down the Hollywood Freeway in the midst of rush-hour traffic is fully conveyed in this video. I followed that sucker all the way to where the 101 forks off to the San Bernardino Freeway, just past downtown.

I was riding this Beast’s ass for a good twenty minutes. Ack.

Yeah, whatever, complain all you want. Take it up with management.
You try filming some stupid-ass moving beast while trying to navigate through impatient L.A. traffic just as anxious to get home as your photographic ass. People with guns and fists and all I have to protect myself is an outdated Canon digital camera from 2005.

I watched with sadness as the Beast drove off, left me as it chose to take the 10 Freeway. Never to be seen again, gone to greener pastures or wherever he grazes.

Come home. Warm up pasta I made on Saturday, the tail end of it.

And why am I such a miser? I will literally reheat and re-serve food until the very last crumb is left.

The pasta was great on Saturday. Tonight, it was just…old. There was even a shiny and frightening film coating the noodles. Didn’t deter me. Make every Goddamned penny count!

I just add another 15, 30 seconds of heating time per ounce of food. That is my secret for the extermination of all stomach churning microbial infestations. Man, you can eat anything as long it’s been thoroughly scorched. And apparently, I do.

Finished up some steamed veggies, plopped my ass down in front of the computer to read the day’s blog damage.

And discovered that I am the not-so-proud owner of a troublesome new Blog Pet.

He has a behavioral problem. Sadly, I don’t think he is very trainable at this point. You know what they say about old dogs…

Anyways, it’s always fun getting a new Pet that innocently invades your Blog, but lately this Blog Pet of mine has been a bit unruly and he’s terrorizing the house. He’s been soiling the carpet and the sofa and is menacing all the guests with his acid distemper. He’s quite yappy. I’m never home and I don’t have the energy nor will to train him. And I sure as hell am not spending money to have some quack come in and “whisper” him into obedience. You know, there are some bad seeds that are born as such and are beyond reclamation. I think this little Blog Pet has promise, though. There is hope for him given a devoted owner willing to give this little guy some TLC.

It just isn’t me.

I’m officially putting him up for adoption
Are there any kindly Blogs out there looking for a new pet?
Any Blogs looking to make a place in their home for this adorable pest?

I will warn you: he’s a handful. Why tonight, I came home, and found yet another mess he made all over this Blog
.

SOS. Please speak up before I sneak him off to the animal shelter under the guise of taking him to the park for a walk. A very long walk.

  • Ferdinand, no one is beyond redemption! What a wretched thing to say. Behind the barn is where you go!

  • Mark J. Goluskin

    Ahh, what is the matter?! I guess I am your “Right Wing Snarkle”! He is my pest. I just think you actually have real thoughts and think this is a good way to get them out there. I can’t save the world either. But, these are serious times. If I can make one person on the other side think, and change their mind, I have done my job! Shawn, I did take a little peek at your blog. It is actually interesting. Maybe because you are in a different part of the country. I do not know. Anyhow, realize that you can’t get rid of me. Enjoy the torture!

  • Your pet is beyond redemption. Take him behind the barn and put him down for his own good.

  • I am sort of sad he hasn’t come taken a peek in my window. If he thinks your posts are pointless, he would really have a field day with mine. :)

    As for your video capabilities, uh yeah, when I am back in L.A., we will just ride around for a few hours and I will shoot about an hour or so of actual video footage for you. On a real video camera. It won’t be hard to find things of interest. Then you will have several different things to pull from over a period of time. I love just exploring the city and watching all of the bizarre shit that you see there.