The little green man and the techno-culture of voyeurism

I love contraptions. In fact, if I was writing a personal ad, I’d write that I love contraptions. The key to personal ads is writing in a language that women can relate to, and that absolutely works.

I love contraptions, and even though I am disgusted by materialism and am often vocal about it, my contraption fetish is centered around curiosity. Nerdy curiosity. This is my fuel, my drive. I see something interesting, I want it because I want to see how it works. I don’t buy it because my neighbor, Joe Blow, has one, or because I want to show off my new purchase to those less fortunate but equally greedy. This is materialism. I”m just a nerd with nothing better to do, so I buy contraptions.

A few months ago, I bought a dash cam. This is frivolous shit. Something that someone with too much time and not enough money buys.

The argument could be made that dash cams may serve a purpose, but it is such a remote likelihood. The money you spend on a dash cam is better spent on lottery tickets. You might drive 50 miles a day. Chances are, your miserable overpriced dash cam will never catch anything more exciting that a homeless man taking a piss in the gutter. The odds of witnessing anything spectacular, and furthermore, having it memorialized on your dash cam, is short of astronomical. It’s a doodad. It has no useful purpose.

Still, I bought one a few months ago. I needed it. Once I need something, I must buy it. Ask my parents. When I was young, I made them drive all over town looking for a puka necklace, which incidentally, I never wore. I’m not a compulsive buyer, but I can be a compulsive shopper once I know what I want, and I needed a dash cam. What if something happens! Plus, I thought, it might be good for bloggery, and this has truly proved to be a fruitless endeavor. I tried to build dash cam footage into this blog and it failed with a resounding crash.


Before I start my car now, I make sure the SD memory stick is installed and ready to go. Just because you don’t know. I might capture a spectacular event! With the help of technology, we now live in the age of the Voyeur!

In Russia, everyone’s car has a dash cam, and thus, the chances that someone will capture a wicked evil event on video in that country are astronomically increased. My favorite is the head-on icy destruction of an SUV complete with exploding vehicles and a rainstorm of parts.

Not that I’m wishing for anyone’s violent destructive death, but this is the sort of thing I’d love to capture on video. At the risk of sounding morbid, let’s say I would like to be at the scene at just the right time. That is much milder than wishing for something bad to happen, right?

Besides, I bought the lowbrow dash cam version. Standard def, shitty pixelation. I could have spent a few more dollars and bought the HD version, which I will, one day. This current dash cam will be cast off to my rear window, just because I’m a contraption kinda guy.

And maybe the HD model would have captured this little green man I sorta saw on the Hollywood Freeway a little more clearly. I barely glimpsed him as I drove by the Melrose & Normandie exit. Everyone is homeless in that ‘hood.

The little green man breezes by at the 18-19 second mark. I’m surprised I even noticed something there. He was hidden, and the purpose of the dash cam is to see what you missed. My suggestion? Go with an HD version and don’t fixate on the field of vision. If you go for the “fish eye” effect, your image will suffer greatly. Can’t have one without the other in the dash cam world!