Another tale from the bathroom. I spend lots of time in the bathroom at work. This is a self-revelation. I drink too much water, too much coffee, and my urethra is small. I spend a lot of time in the john. The corporate bathroom. I work on a floor with a bunch of golden execs who are fancy guys driving fancy European machinery and they dress trendy and slim and timely. They are high-striving consumerist cool. And then there is me, the slob. Cause I just don’t give a crap, which brings me to this afternoon’s tale.
I walked into the bathroom this afternoon and noted a rarity in progress. Both men’s stalls were occupied. This hardly ever happens! Sure…one is full quite often, but rarely do both stalls see simultaneous action. It’s as if human nature prevents two men from sharing such intimate bowel releasing experiences. I’ve been there. I’ve found myself in the john doing NUMBER TWO in the peace and quiet of the empty bathroom many times, and in walks subject #2 looking to do #2. Oh oh. I quickly wipe up, flush, and leave. It’s not a pleasant thing sitting on your bare ass while another man sits on the other side of the stall, also bare-assed and crapping. I can’t get into that, man. So I leave. Most guys vacate when their privacy is obtruded on. So today, both stalls were occupied as I took my leak. #1. I was in the middle of my relief stream when in walks this management dude who is pretty cool. Older guy, dresses well, and he headed directly for the stalls. He needed to take a shit. So much so that he didn’t notice they were both full until he got to the edge of the doors. His disappointment and frustration were clearly visible.
He spun and marched out.
His shit was defied.
I wonder if in his mind a thought entered, something like “Ain’t no shit happening right now!”
He dashed out of the bathroom madly, and I wondered how direly his poop urge had been. Was it a pleasant afternoon BM that called, or was it the shrill demands of a liquifued dirge of undigested food seeking the quickest escape route possible. He dashed out and I wondered if it was one of those that might be held in comfortably, or which fought vainly against repression. Poor guy! BM refutation is the worst! Especially as you walk in the restroom…a lot of times, if you have #2 brewing and it is the purported goal of your visit, you are secret relaxing your bowels before you even open the door in anticipation. And then you find both thrones are occupied by the royal shitting court.
You rush out, miffed.
In a few minutes, you’re sitting in your office having a meeting with 2 other drones and your legs are crossed in a most distinguished, Brit manner. The shit is present. If only they knew they were sitting in the midst of a near shitter as they discuss the mundane iotas of the corporate world.