In search of a deliberate masculinity

This morning I stopped at a popular gas station in order to fill ‘er up for hopefully another 2 weeks. This is how long a full tank of gas typically lasts me. My car gets reasonably good mpg, and combined with my frequent public transportation habit, the span between fill-ups is mercifully long. It was early in the morning and this is when people drive the fastest and most aggressively because they are all invariably late because people are also invariably idiots and never allow themselves enough time to get where they need to be at an appointed hour. People, ill-equipped, rush, because they are late, they drive fast, they tailgate…this is the typical morning rush hour commute.

I pulled into the gas station and strolled over to the cashier to lay out some cash for my petroleum purchase. I strolled, I didn’t speedwalk like some dork. Only dorks walk fast. This is the gospel of David.

Dorks and women walk fast.

Anyways, I don’t walk fast because generally I have my shit in order and there is no need to rush. I have the whole morning laid out in my head before I embark on it so there is no need for me to high-tail it to the gasoline station’s cashier because I have a course planned out long before I pull in. I stroll. I’ve integrated that lackadaisical “eat me” strut. Nothing controls me. Absolutely nothing. I’m an “unmarried man,” get it? I control my world.

Well, it’s not quite so simple, of course, but as they say, your mind will follow where your body goes. A man, if he wants to appear a man, and in control, must take his time. A man must never rush through casual situations. I walked with an attitude that said “I’m taking life at my own pace. Nothing controls me.” This is how a man does it. Women are different. Women walk fast because they are convinced of the unquestionable import of their existence; it’s all self-perceived and hardly warranted. For instance, at the gas station, a girl got out of her Jetta as I walked by. She was fine! Asian chick, Filipino or darker Chinese. She wore tight jeans and she had a very nice ass (for an Asian girl). It was big and round and she wore heels and a black top. She had that long sexy, silky Asian hair that looks wonderful to wrap around your appendages. She rushed out of her car, rushed to pump to pay with her ATM card, rushed back to the car to gas up. She was nothing but rush. She was a typical pretty, feminine girl. Always walking fast, flailing about like the weight of the world depends on them, and the faster it is done, the more fitting is their superior role on this planet. Hot feminine chicks always walk fast with their high heels and self-conscious machine gun strut. That’s fine for women.

It’s a sign of helpless femininity when pretty girls do this. The trademark of femininity is helplessness after all, and nothing spells helplessness like hurrying.

Men should never rush. The wise man does not dart about.

The man in control of himself and his world, the man of self-assurance, does not walk fast or act as if the environment is demanding his immediate attention. This is the anti-masculine. The real man lives in a self-enclosed world and your demands and capricious desires are the fodder of comedy to him as he…struts.

A man who walks too fast for no reason is demonstrating helplessness and an inability to control his physical reactions and emotional manifestations. He is a wuss. Same goes for men who needlessly drive too fast. Whether it’s the hipster accelerating around in his Prius or the teen-aged jock in a Dodge Ram, a man who drives too fast is merely displaying an inability to conquer his own mindset.

A real man snubs his nose at situations that demand his frantic attention like a cumbersome mommy-figure.

My advice to you, as a man, even if you feel like rushing around, stop. Stop and listen to your own racing heart and its motivations. Examine your thoughtless quest for nothing, because that is exactly what all your rushing around accomplishes.

Be a man of peace, a man of serenity.

Be a man who walks purposefully but at his own pace. If the situation calls for you to rush, fine. However, don’t rush for the strange disembodied sake of rushing. If the building is on fire, rush. If you’re rushing to the theater because you’re late, you are a wuss. You planned badly, you were in the wrong location, and thus, you are not in control of your environment. You have been caught rushing! This is why you need to slow down.

A real man dictates his environment. By rushing, you betray that you are a worm, a mushy man; not a strong, powerful man.

Strong men do not rush because they control the race from the beginning.

  • J.Quick

    I generally don’t drive fast, but hey, I’m a muscle car lover who just bought himself a nice 5.7 hemi challenger R/T (one of the obvious perks to Bachelorhood). Most of the time I’ll motor around the city and cruise without a care in the world…that is, till I find it prudent to take “Maxxine” out to the country and stretch her legs so she doesn’t get testy. Funny how I never even got a second glance from girls driving my minivan, but now, when driving the Challenger, they walk into walls. Not braggin’, just sayin’.

  • Lupe

    Now I imagine how ridiculous I look when I run across the streets where there isn’t any pedestrian crossing. Especially in those few times when the driver was a woman. I feel conquered. Demasculated.

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  • I try to not rush, as much as possible. Unless you’re under time constraints because of being late for an appointment, there’s plenty of time.

  • Matt

    This is really good advice. When I go out, I saunter down the street going between clubs. I don’t bother rushing across intersections where there is a “Don’t Walk” sign, I wait for it to change and use the time to survey what is going on.

    As far as driving fast, I do when the road is clear. One thing I make of point of is to not tailgate. I’ll drive the same speed as the car in front of me, but leave plenty of room in case something happens. It also means that I leave plenty of space for people to cut in front of me, but that’s ok, I’m helping to reduce their frustration level.

  • I only walk fast, sort of, because it is my best form of excersise. What about that?! I will never go to a gym-a death trap if there ever is one! Ain’t a weightlifter. Unless it is a rack o’ beef ribs!
    But, you are spot on about the gals walking faster than the dude. Hear it from the wife all the time when we walk. That is where this theory actually makes sense.
    I will tell her, what’s the hurry?
    But in the gal’s defense, many are mom’s and once that happens, it’s all over.
    I am certain that the former Mrs. Unmarried Man?! is the same way as I vaguely remember.
    Oh yeah, this is coming from the same “planner” that got a concert date wrong. Which almost cost said actual planner a lot of cash.
    Yeah, I am your, er, consience, on occasion.
    But part of planning is getting the plan right, eh?
    Just askin.