…on the other hand, a nuclear conflict would have certain benefits…

…namely,  a welcome conclusion to the gluttonous foodie mentality cursing complacently obese Western civilization.  Perhaps we need to burn it down, burn it allllll down, before a semblance of culinary normality returns and food is merely a matter of sustenance, not extravagance or ostentatiousness.

According to apocalyptic Russian plans for a rainy day, don’t count on food luxuries in a post-nuclear savaged world.

Russian state-owned television is urging the country’s residents to stock their bunkers with water and basic foodstuffs because Moscow could go to war with Washington.

Warning that the potential conflict between the two superpowers would be “catastrophic,” an anchor for Russia’s Vesti 24 showed off shelves of food, recommending that people buy salt, oatmeal and other products that can last a long time on the shelves. Powdered milk lasts five years while sugar and rice can last up to eight years, the newscaster explained before showing videos of pasta cooking in a bomb shelter.





Much potential amusement is in store as we watch emaciated hipster foodies, who were grateful to pay $20 for a Hollywood salad in the “old” pre-war days, are now left no choice but to fight down water-logged oatmeal for a month straight.

Fire up those nukes, Vlad!