A story of stillborn civil upheaval from Alabama with a few minor layers of amusement.
Seems a multi-agency investigation was underway since November 16 when a female eyewitness called 911 to report that she saw a Hispanic man loading a package with wires and a timer into a truck belonging to a school cafeteria worker at Magnolia Elementary School in Trussville, near Birmingham.
Now digest that sentence. Read it one more time. The amusement is all encased within this brief narrative summary.
Nothing is as seems, Grasshoppa.
Female eyewitness? >Hardly.
Hispanic man? >Mm…the man part, yes.
In fact, the female eyewitness and the Hispanic male were one and the same, an indistinguishable, androgynous terrorist intent on starting CWII.
Authorities today announced state charges against 35-year-old Zachary Edwards and 34-year-old Raphel Dilligard, both of eastern Birmingham. They are charged with possession of a hoax destructive device, rendering false alarm and making terrorist threats, said Trussville police Capt. Jeff Bridges.
Edwards claimed to be a member of the Black Panthers and the Black Mafia, but authorities have not yet confirmed his reported associations with any organized group. “My guys believe this individual to be a very dangerous person,” said Dave Hyche, ATF’s assistant special agent in charge in Alabama.
Lawmen responded en masse to Magnolia Elementary School on Wednesday, Nov. 16, after they received a 911 from a woman who reported seeing a Hispanic male place the package on a pickup truck that belonged to a school cafeteria worker. The package was a box with wires and timer attached.
The first break in the case came when investigators were able to trace that 911 to a cell phone that had once been owned by Edwards, said Hyche and Bridges. The 911 call was actually placed by Edwards, who disguised his voice to try to sound like a woman.
Edwards and Dilligard were taken into custody Tuesday evening at their home in the 7700 block of Fifth Avenue South.
Once brought in for questioning, both gave confessions. Edwards admitted to planting the device, and said his plan was to get all police officers and first responders in one place so he could shoot them. “I guess he doesn’t like cops,” Bridges said.
Edwards also talked of using the incident as a diversion so he could commit crimes elsewhere – such as robbing a bank – while the police were tied up at the elementary school, but backed out of that plan.
“Probably because of the overwhelming response to the area,” Hyche said. “He wanted everybody in one place so he could kill cops. He made it clear to our guys he wanted to commit acts of violence. This arrest probably did stop something bad from happening.”
He discussed starting a race war, but authorities didn’t elaborate on what he said.
I think a pertinent question is: exactly which races is Edwards trying to incite to war? Blame da Hispanic, I say! More appropriate would have been if he added that the Hispanic looked “illegal.” In today’s tense, hair-trigger ethnic climate, it doesn’t take much to trigger all hell loose, apparently.
I wonder how his “woman voice” sounded?
When I think of a Black man with a sultry chick-voice, I can’t help but think of “Games People Play,” a Spinners song from 1975. Jump ahead to the 53-second mark; if Edwards’ falsetto sounded anything like this, it’s no surprise every armed uniform short of the Marines wasn’t storming Magnolia Elementary.
CWII brought to us by…the janitor!