To answer the age-old question. Am I quiet, or am I just an asshole? Well the answer is patently obvious but Buzzfeed penned one of its tireless self-inflicted quiz offerings today, asking that very question.
I believe the only thing separating an asshole from an introvert is ownership of said introversion. Those who accept, even embrace, their introversion, are assholes. Those who fight or deny their introversion, or mask it behind other labels like “shy” or “socially anxious,” are not quite assholes (yet), though to society at large they may present as assholes. In fact, the nature of an introvert mimics that of the asshole. The person who doesn’t look at you, doesn’t speak much or humor your bullshit, the one who doesn’t validate your need for attention, is instantly relegated to asshole status even though they are acting like they do only out of their innate quiet nature. Asshole comes in all stripes and I’ve known many extroverted assholes. In fact, extroverted assholes are the norm, not the exception.
So I took the Buzzfeed quiz, knowing completely my results before they tabulated automatically at the end of the 7-question quiz.
Still, I answered as truthfully as possible so as not to sway the results (these quizzes are hardly so sneaky as to be uncrackable). Here are my answers and the not-so-shocking finale…
Why lie? Why the ninny subterfuge? If you don’t want to go, don’t. It’s a free country; you’re free to say fuck you to everybody. I say it a lot.
OK, I’m an asshole, but I’m not rude. If I see an acquaintance (in all honesty, I don’t have many of these creatures), I will not turn my back on them. I will commence the suicidal small talk but inside, I will seethe with annoyance.
First of all, let’s get something straight. I don’t go to many parties, and the ones I do go to are usually very structured or of such special significance that all the regular rules of introverted disengagement don’t apply. But assuming I went to a party alone, of my own accord, I would simply leave once I felt it was dragging me psychically down, which would probably take all of…half an hour.
My patented move is avoiding eye contact or even acknowledgement; in some cases, I allow my expression and verbal tone to get the message across. Leave me the hell alone. Including gregarious idiots on public transportation.
Nope. I’m bad about this, even with my SO. I simply never think of doing anything other than sitting in my living room while I read or surf. The thought never occurs to me that maybe there’s a world out there that might actually engage me or that I would find mildly amusing, at best.
I don’t mind extroverts as long as, 1) they stay away from me, 2) I never have to deal with them ever again.
Dude, really? Is that a sincere question, or are you just trying to create desperate banter, cause either way, you’re pissing me off.
And now, the moment we’ve been waiting for. Ta-da!
The verdict. Is Socially Extinct just a raging asshole or is he merely a misunderstood introvert?
That’s right, people. Nothing to see here, moving right along…