Archive for February, 2013

Sergey Brin, seeing reality in his Google Glasses. Maybe men will finally see it.

Thursday, February 28th, 2013

Granted, Sergey Brin, co-founder of Google, is in the throes of a marketing blitz for the upcoming and much a-buzzed-about Google Glass. It’s understandable he will say anything in his heated technotard excitement, but as with people drunk on the elixir of blended ethanol, he is prone to publicly observing what he believes to be the unpopular truth, and I agree with the man completely.

And as with most people who speak too much and too loudly behind the shield of booze, Brin’s sober pointed comments have elicited horrified (and mummified) reactions from the technotards who enjoy gadgets such as smartphones.

“But now people get information by turning away from the other people they are with. Is this the way you’re meant to interact with other people? Is the future of connection just people walking around hunched up, looking down, rubbing a featureless piece of glass? It’s kind of emasculating. Is this what you’re meant to do with your body? You want something that will free your eye.”

Sergey quipped quite honestly. He was charmingly oblivious to the contention he would provoke deferring to a mighty trigger word that alienates the fairer sex. Better yet, his comments not only triggered anger, they triggered oodles of “confusion” on the part of many writers. The “confusion” aspect that many attribute to Brin’s comments is merely the reluctance slash denial many technotards/SWPLs are experiencing in the face of confronting a truth one of their own has illuminated. One of their own said something they don’t agree with. It must be due to the fact English is not his first language! Brin is a bright Russian guy who says what he means. Don’t let it fool you. Russian dudes are the greatest. I’ve known a few Russian immigrants and I can conclusively say that they are the male breath of fresh air American guys need pay attention to.

Funny. When I rail about smartphones and their demeaning nature for men, no on cares. Smartphones are the anti-man. They make men act like women. Averse to confrontation and acknowledgement and life. They are the ultimate gender “equalizer” and must be stopped! When I see a woman walking through a crowd with her face glued to a screen, it makes sense. When I see a man do the same, I behold a beast who is now a poodle in a sweater.

Yet, when Brin transgresses, everyone listens. This is the difference between a cultural trendsetter and a Google employee. Wipe that irony off your face…

Relief may be on the horizon. Either a relief, or a war. Something will unfold from Google Glass, a cultural revolution. I predict it here.

Anyway, the confusion does not concern the meat of Brin’s comments, it is that Brin said things people know is repulsively true.

Smartphones have given women a new MO with which to ensconce themselves deeper into their own world. Women love to be clamored after, this is their evolutionary feast. The female is sought after, and all subsequent cultural manifestations of this legacy signify the female impetus. Anything women can procure to segregate their existence from men only reaffirms their evolutionary role. Smartphones are the latest technical innovation that preserves female alienation. In fact, I would argue that most technological innovation is exactly this: a tool of female alienation. The washing machine was step one.

I argue that Sergey knows exactly what is going on. When I first learned of Google Glass, I was intrigued for it represented, to me, a cultural murmur, the stirrings, of a movement that might re-masculinize society. Women have to look up once again. They don’t have the option of using downcast eyes to avoid you. Once again they will sit straight and stare into the distance, beyond your shoulder, like the good old days. Old guys, remember when you couldn’t tell if the girl was looking at you? Unlike the smartphone distraction era when you could tell she definitely wasn’t, the Google Glass now relives antiquity.

The acuity of Sergey’s comments are responsible for the backlash. It’s not permissible to point out the patently obvious but superficially invisible in today’s world.

Luckily he doesn’t work for Socially Extinct.

Cunt blowback smells like onion

Tuesday, February 26th, 2013

 

It could very well be wishful thinking on my part, but I don’t believe The Onion really apologized, nor has any intention of “tightening” its publishing standards so as to avoid insulting 9-year-old black cunts in the future. However, Taki’s magazine doesn’t seem to share my demented optimism.

 

Christian Bonk, writing of The Onion’s Twitter fiasco on Oscar night (the online humor mag mockingly tweeted, “Everyone else seems afraid to say it, but that Quevenzhané Wallis is kind of a cunt, right?” in reference to the young actress who received a nomination for her lead role in Beasts of the Southern Wild), praises the ironclad defiance and bold trailblazing manner of The Onion but frets over the unusual apology issued by its CEO, Steve Hannah, yesterday in reaction to the self-righteous uproar the Tweet caused.

 

Bonk wonders if this is an omen that The Onion is losing its edge and caving in to the thundering hordes of ill-humored PC mongrels who dictate the limits of pop culture and satire. Bonk brings up some valid concerns, but I reread Hannah’s apology and something about it strikes me as…satirical. I really believe we are seeing an apology cloaked in a satirical capsule, a self-looping comic chain. Comedy’s version of a snake eating itself.

 

Steve Hannah’s official apology:

 

Dear Readers,
On behalf of The Onion, I offer my personal apology to Quvenzhané Wallis and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for the tweet that was circulated last night during the Oscars. It was crude and offensive—not to mention inconsistent with The Onion’s commitment to parody and satire, however biting.
No person should be subjected to such a senseless, humorless comment masquerading as satire.
The tweet was taken down within an hour of publication. We have instituted new and tighter Twitter procedures to ensure that this kind of mistake does not occur again.
In addition, we are taking immediate steps to discipline those individuals responsible. Miss Wallis, you are young and talented and deserve better. All of us at The Onion are deeply sorry.
Sincerely, Steve Hannah CEO The Onion

 

A couple of items stood out for me, but first I’d like to point out that the Tweet was satire of celebrity gossips who take advantage of instant social media to talk complete catty shit about stars. The Onion Tweet was the satire of this practice of celebrity gossips, and furthermore, launched it into the Satire Stratosphere by directing the observation at a hapless nine-year-old actress. If the Tweet had been about Jennifer Lawrence, I doubt the uproar would have been anywhere near approaching this level, nor would the satire have been complete nor apparent.

 

With this established, the apology’s meta-layer is what we all know. The ludicrous and cringe-worthy allegation has been made that Quevenzhané Wallis is a cunt, and each word that drops out of the apology pot by this point merely fuels the satirical sentiment which should have been forgotten by now. Hannah’s faux apology is legitimizing the Tweet owing entirely to the sensitive uproar of people who felt it was improper and rude.

 

It was crude and offensive—not to mention inconsistent with The Onion’s commitment to parody and satire, however biting.

 

Hmm, whenever I hear the term “biting” applied to something, it seems the inference is that it is true! It is biting because it is honest and bravely notes what most don’t say.

 

No person should be subjected to such a senseless, humorless comment masquerading as satire.
Haha, nothing “masquerades as satire” by its very definition. In fact, the definition of “satire” is that it in fact masquerades as reality. If something is masquerading as satire, that in fact this means the statement is reality.

 

The tweet was taken down within an hour of publication. We have instituted new and tighter Twitter procedures to ensure that this kind of mistake does not occur again.
In addition, we are taking immediate steps to discipline those individuals responsible. Miss Wallis, you are young and talented and deserve better. All of us at The Onion are deeply sorry.

 

Which means exactly what? How do you punish or prevent someone from calling a nine-year old girl a cunt? The hypothetical image of an office clamoring and struggling to calm the “cunt blowback” is humorous in itself. Good one, Steve. You better “discipline” those “responsible” because there is a little girl here who deserves better. Than what, nobody knows…

 

 

Angry black man yells at SWPL parking thief!

Tuesday, February 26th, 2013

This is a real LOL video of an incident that occurred yesterday on one of our local hilly Hollywood streets that feed into Runyon Canyon, a popular SWPLish spot for various breeds of fit Angelenos to hike/jog/walk. Like many streets in Los Angeles, parking is a suicidal commodity.

The verbal altercation, between a resident and a faceless parking spot thief (with his wife or girlfriend in tow) seems to have begun when the (presumed) White guy cut in front of the Black (not presumed) guy to nab a street parking spot which the brotha had been waiting for.

I will say, in all fairness, SWPL types in their Prius’ and Mini Coopers tend to be mannerly drivers albeit slightly clueless and dim. A lot of SWPL drivers tend to get wrapped up in their own little world; what seems to be casual disregard is merely lack of awareness on their part. I’m talking about sharing the city with them in general, not just parking. I’m sure the Black dude in this video has a valid point but I think he overreacted considering the ludicrous nature of the situation. If I was in his shoes, my reaction would probably be to merely flip off the driver and yell something snide like “thanks asshole, I was waiting for that spot!” through my open window.

The offending parker, Ryan Taalbi, of Santa Monica (that says it all), did his best to reason with the LBM (loony black man) and even finally agreed to move his car in order to quell the escalating situation, but not before his female companion called the LAPD, which, incidentally probably arrived posthaste once she told them there was a black man yelling at them.

SWPLs provoke a lot of ire just for what they are. They are annoying, smug and self-righteous. I suspect LBM was unloading a cathartic backlog of antagonism compiled after months of small, minute incidents like this which he experienced at the hands of the numerous SWPL zombies cluttering this beautiful town.

My favorite local weather slut, Vera; cosmological innuendo gone wild!

Monday, February 25th, 2013

Oh Vera!

You do great weather.

Hell…you give good weather!

I do not concern myself with your cosmological aptitude. I don’t care if you can define cloud formations or Pacific Ocean atmospheric patterns. I just love that you incessantly follow that awesome stage formula every time as you embark on each daily weather report on KTLA.

The weather segment begins with you and your lame cohorts sitting behind the news desk. You (your better half) are hidden from sight, but we, the leering viewers, absolutely know there is something good back there which will be revealed once your segment begins and all the bad jokes are cracked. This is your daily moment to stand up and prance around in front of the weather green screen. We await that, Vera! Us horny guys act like stupid girls wondering what exactly you are wearing today, something we won’t know until you bound out and steer us through the mild Los Angeles weather forecast.

Your buxom, cottony clouds burst out your tight dress and you have that nice, nimble, high-tide ass that always peeks out so temptingly from that profile you innocently create for us. This is what we live for, Vera!

I don’t know what I find hotter; the way you seem to climax when noting that Ojai’s overnight temp will be 31, or those shoulders which flare out that ill-fitting dress. You lift weights, don’t you? Yeah, just keep flexing those and my chance of precipitation is 100% tonight, baby!

Man, I’d love those legs around my neck as I show you my sticky dew point!

Yeah, open them a little wider, let’s see if we can measure tonight’s visibility.

Lord, do you even know your left ass cheek from a high pressure ridge? Who the hell cares.

I just want to feel your hot Santa Ana’s wash over my neck as your gale force frenzy melts into my thrusts!

That certain class of people who must never be allowed in Las Vegas

Sunday, February 24th, 2013

There’s a class of people that suffers from a dearth of civilized self-restraint.

Actually, they aren’t the ones who suffer; it’s the rest of society that does, for it must pay the price of this class’s inability to discipline itself.

This class, perhaps through faulty and incomplete upbringing, has not internalized the ability or self-motivation to conjure a working set of guiding principles that dictate acceptable behavior independent of external pressures. This class spawns the type of people that will try to “get away” with whatever it can merely because the opening presents itself. These people, this group, lacks the self-perpetuated desire to exist peacefully within a disparate society and worse yet, lacks the self-reinforcing sense of pride that comes from acting as an autonomously structured group.

In other words, this class of people must be watched vigilantly, for if they sense that they are hidden from sight, even for a moment, they will impulsively assume they can get away with anything, and furthermore, they will attempt anything it takes to immediately gratify their base needs. For these people are base. They are depraved and possess the conscientiousness of delinquent children.

I’ve even known such people, I’m sorry to say. I’ve worked with such folks. As soon as they sense a lack of supervision, they begin acting up and try and get away with any number of things that conscience tells normal people must not be taken advantage simply because of their illicit availability.

This class of people has no morals. It lacks an immutable sense of cooperative cultural guidelines. As far as they are concerned, all’s fair game when the cat is away.

They have no inner sense of polite limits. The worst thing is when this class of people are thrust into situations where there is little or no supervision or policing. They are so untrustworthy and opportunistic that they should really be locked up, sequestered from mannerly society, because they will always drag the bar down very low to their immoral subterranean level. If 95% of the people are leading an orderly life, this class is the 5% who will take advantage of the rest who persist in abiding by rules and standards of discipline. This class of people are sharks. They are dangerous and are prone to wantonly wreck havoc on those who value a society of mutual trust and cooperation.

The worst place this class of people can end up is in Las Vegas. Yet, by by virtue of its nefarious reputation, many of those belonging to this class of people are drawn to the big toilet in the Nevada desert because of its unlimited offers of unchecked behavior.

Las Vegas is that one semi-anarchic spot in the United States where most social and legal order appears to take a holiday. You are allowed certain freedoms in Vegas that are harder to come by in the rest of the country. It is a despicable city engorged with despicable people; people who perhaps are not as despicable when they are back home, but Las Vegas, because of its no-holds-barred vibe, releases many otherwise well-mannered people from the shackles of typical self-restraint. Las Vegas is one big douchey desert mirage. As I mentioned, the atmosphere there is one of semi-anarchy and the city exudes the squalor of misbehavior; which is simultaneously accepted, and even subtly encouraged (“what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”). As such, those visiting the city must hunker down and exert some measure of self-control because Las Vegas is rich in cheap temptation. For the most part, people display some maturity when confronted with the distracting lure of Las Vegas abandon, but the class of people I spoke of earlier is unable to do so when confronted with Las Vegas. They come here to live a life of no limits and they bring their sense of immorality and opportunism. It’s like throwing a couple of 9-year-old children into a locked house and telling them their parents will be home in a few days. You imply they can do anything they want now; and they will.

A certain class of people in Las Vegas will scrape the muddy depths of unleashed behavior there just because they can.