CMD (Compulsive Motherly Disorder) strikes California again

 

California residents have 2 mothers. 1) The genetic mother. If alive, she is never far and always willing to hand out advice, caution, warnings, and above all, support and help. 2) The governmental mother. Miss California herself. Like the birth mother, this one is always willing to dish out endless reams of unsolicited life guidance. Unlike birth mothers, the California mother is not helpful or supportive, and in fact, she charges you for her tiresome two cents. When you live in California, you learn January 1 is the annual sunrise of a new castigation checklist for us to ruminate and cry over. Miss California hands us the laundry list of new laws, supplemental laws, and legal embellishments that quite simply apply to most acts by virtue of living in this “great” nanny state of ours. Most amusingly, the list of admonitions which reads like a stern litany of New Year’s resolutions, is like an expense account foisted on your bank account by the empty heads from Sacramento who aren’t happy to see you only shape up and purge all superficially dangerous elements of your existence, but to make a soul-devouring profit in addition.

 

So it was with predictable disgust that I read of yet another New Year’s piece of legislation that the Den Mothers of Sacramento have now slipped through their anal orifices and which will affect roughly 1.1 million California children. In other words, lots and lots of dinero, papi!!

 

New seat belt law. Or same law with increasingly growing amount of compulsive motherly disorder:

 

2012 Brings Changes in Car Seat Law
RORY DEVINE
Where does your 7-year-old sit in the car? Probably out of a booster seat by now.

 

Current California law mandates children under 6 and weighing less than 60 pounds have to ride in a booster seat.

 

Come Jan. 1, that will change, and the change is catching a lot of parents off guard.

 

Children must remain in a booster seat until age 8.

 

The new law, going into effect in 2012, states any child under 8 years old or shorter than 4 feet 9 inches must be in a booster seat.

 

That’s the height for which seat belts were designed so children could use a bit of a boost to be in the right position for the belt.

 

The manager of the Injury Prevention Program at Rady Children’s Hospital in San Diego said the most common question she hears is, “how do I get my 7-year-old back into a booster seat?”

 

If taking them shopping for the seat doesn’t work, perhaps the fact that CHP fines can add up to $475 may be an incentive.

 

The biggest incentive, experts said, is the decrease in injuries for children riding in cars.

 

Yes, that’s right. Those of you with 6-year-old children who were counting the days you could finally get rid of the pain in the ass car seat and kiss the whole cumbersome process of securing your child into the safety seat goodbye…bad news. You’ve got a another year of this inanity. Sorry. Your Sacramento Mother is worried. I’m amazed at the concern California legislators have for our children. And just a little skeptical. If money wasn’t the common denominator in all superfluous legislation to beam down from our capitol, I might be more likely to give them the benefit of the doubt. But money is always present in the overprotective rantings to issue from California’s legislature. The child restraint seat industry, emboldened and enriched by bolder and more unrealistic laws, spends most of its energy telling us why they do what they do and besides, it will save the lives of our children.

 

Thanks to overprotective (and sometimes, mad) mothers, it has become a lucrative industry. Everyone is in cahoots. You don’t need much Alex Jonesian paranoia to realize the legally mandated child restraint industry is a scam imposed on us by lawmakers, retailers and car seat manufacturers. Everyone joins in the danger-fest and everyone wins except those who have to foot the bill of the corrupt folly.

 

There is this annoying website called “dmv.org” which touts itself as the “unofficial DMV guide.” They are not associated with any state agency but they spout all the same garbage your neighborhood DMV mother-hen is fond of barking in your ear. This linked ad window says it all. If the official state DMV pages could legally display this, they would. Instead, the dmv.org child seat fanboys act as a cheap whore proxy for the state DMV’s.

 

 

What appalls me most is that California lawmakers continue with this malfeasance without a concern in the world and they cloak their good intentions behind a continually shrinking and retreating fussiness that tightens its noose unabated. It’s not politically correct to question their motives. They are trying to save our children. This is the holy grail of good intentions and one can always retort, “It could be your child you are saving!” It’s a no-win. This garbage is a regressive tax. Child restraint seats (the federally mandated ones which are the “legal” ones, of course) are not cheap. They can cost $50 and upwards. A lot upwards. I would like to see California, in all its liberal and faux nurturing gloriousness, offer free, legal car seats to those who can prove they do not meet certain minimum income baselines. It’s only right. California, put your money where your thin-lipped anxious mouth is. Won’t happen. The consumers, hijacked by elitist good intentions, will use credit cards to buy their government required compliance. Everyone wins. Especially the children.

 

Speaking of the child-seat-as-an-industry phenomena, I found this hilarious illustration on “SafetyBeltSafe U.S.A., which oddly has an URL of “carseat.org” when in fact, they presume to enlighten us about seat belts for all ages and all riders.

 

 

What on Earth is this garbage?

 

I feel like I’m watching a 75-year-old nun showing a class of 8th grade parochial students how to fasten a condom. This is embarrassing. The child seat industry has it made because their intentions are unassailable. Their intended demographic, a bunch of pathologically doting mothers and impotent squeamish fathers, are the most compliant of all and least willing to raise a fuss for such intrusions. I absolutely hated this procedure when my son was young. I celebrated the day he was legally “safe” to ride in my car like a normal human being.

 

Behind all this sophomoric “it’s for the children” delusion is the implicit fairy tale that danger is ultimately extinguishable, or at the very least, preventable. If we do enough, if we go far enough, we can save all the children. Of course, statistics show that we can’t, and that we aren’t. It’s not profitable to announce: “The State of California has now recognized that it has done all it can legally do for children involved in auto accidents. We are at a statistical standstill in regards to savings lives, and further legislation would require legislation that would prove overly intrusive and counterproductive, and in fact, may deter many from obeying the full letter of the law.”

 

I remember about 1970. I was riding in the front seat (unstrapped) while my mom drove our 1965 Mustang near home. I forget why, but she braked suddenly. I went flying into the windshield/dashboard. Hahaha, I laughed, a little hurt, but alive, and I went on to become a tremendously obscure blogger. See how life works out?