Deconstructing masculinity is fun. This practice is part and parcel of all internet PUA sectors.
For instance, Alpha, and the fixation with all that is Alpha, oozes out every blog and forum in the Mansphere. And there, alongside it, the corresponding discussion and compulsive dissection of its antithesis: the maligned nice guy.
Yes, the nice guy.
No one spells out what the nice guy is. No one explains his essence. Nevertheless, we have an innate instinct for this guy who can be found throughout every layer of society.
You can find him waiting in line at See’s Candy, or perhaps in the line outside the theater waiting for the 7:40 pm screening of Valentine’s Day (undoubtedly after handing his date a box of $25 chocolate, but before getting a peck on the cheek and a hurried “goodnight” before the door shuts on his crestfallen face).
Everyone dreads the nice guy; no one wants to be associated with him and men will do anything not to be him. In fact, so repulsed are they by the prospect of becoming him, that they act out in obnoxious opposition to the concept of “nice.” They put on the asshole mask. But it is worn like a self-conscious charade.
There nothing quite as repulsive as a man who has a good heart who tries to appear anything but. Who seeks to portray that which is the polar opposite of his own character.
It’s an incongruency that assaults our senses like a bad haircut.
I don’t believe it’s a question of “nice.”
Nice is a trite justification of a deeper personality issue that eludes recognition for some odd reason.
These men are not too “nice.”
They are bland.
I came to this conclusion because amidst the ubiquitous and dire pronouncements of the ill-fated nature of the Nice Guy, it occurred to me that I have known several equally “Nice Gals.” Women who presented all the obsequious and pathetically unobtrusive qualities of the Nice Guy. I’ve known such people. They were not nice. They were bland.
Bland people possess qualities which mimic niceness.
Retiring. Inoffensive. Agreeable. Lacking strong opinions and/or viewpoints. Bleached senses of humor.
From the perspective of society, bland people don’t make much of a splash.
They don’t intrude upon other’s lives.
They are not the type of people to leave you with strong sensations in either extreme. And thus, because of this, you label them “nice” by the absence of the negative. But in the absence of positive, it’s hard to say what these “nice” people really are.
They lack influence. They leave your soul untouched.
They are bland.
Socially, historically…the role of the bland person has traditionally been fulfilled by women, and furthermore, expected of them.
The woman who succumbs to this mentality does not experience repercussions; it is latently expected of her, and in fact, many men, especially the traditional-minded, still expect such behavior of a woman. Besides, personality (or lack of it) does not generally detract from a woman’s desirability. In fact, boasting of a woman’s personality raises eyebrows and dooms the unseen girl to a hideous sight unseen.
But for a man.
Blandness connotes invisibility, and in the context of manhood, lack of vitality.
For maleness denotes aggression; the alpha archetype is not a shrinking violet. Manifested in our modern era, a man’s persona is boastful and raucous and fearlessly outspoken. With a tinge (or a wallop) of danger, of prison-bound behavior.
Male vigor, with its raging, in-your-face, fury. The anti-bland.
And niceness. A positive trait of humility, thoughtfulness, respect and kindness, which has been truncated and distorted in the minds of many PUA’s and PUA’s-in-training. They have latched on to the word “nice” and reactively vilified the concept. They even structure their lives around the tenet of turning nice on its head in the blind pursuit of girls.
All because of bland.
See I wouldn’t care about the anti-nice “movement” if I didn’t view it as harmful and misguided.
Horny young men are endlessly impressionable. Tell them if they do “A” to get “P” (yes, as in), and I guarantee that you’ll need to dive behind a wall in order to avoid the hordes of guys as they cut a swath of destruction in their lemming rush to find “A.”
“Niceness” is nothing but an emotional decoy which has distracted a whole generation of PUA’s from the true essence of the personality shortcoming they fear.